The secret
by LynnHallow
Summary: One of the girls at Cackle's Academy has a secret she knows she cannot keep forever.
1. The male witch

"Mum, please let me go to Cackle's, please! All of my female ancestors have been to Cackle's, why not me?"  
>"That's true, but you're not female."<br>"They wouldn't know! Please mum, please! Dad says it's okay."  
>"I know darling, but I don't agree. Cackle's is a school for witches, not wizards. The holiday is almost over, on Monday you'll go to Camelot College."<br>"That's not fair!"  
>Edward looked away from his mother and went upstairs, to his room. It just wasn't fair. He knew he couldn't be a wizard. He was a witch. He knew everything about brewing potions, wandless magic and he even knew how to fly a broom. He was a better flyer than his own mother, who was a very experienced witch. And besides, he didn't even look like a boy! He was a tiny feminine fella with long hair, mostly worn in a ponytail. People who didn't know him always thought he was a girl. Then why couldn't he become a witch?<p>

"Edward? Edward, are you there?"  
>"What?"<br>Edward's father walked in.  
>"Hey Eddie, how are you?<br>Edward didn't feel like giving him an answer.  
>"What's wrong?"<br>Edward sighed.  
>"Oh you know, I want to go to Cackle's but mum's like: 'noooo, boys can't be witches!', even though you said I could go!"<br>"Edward, listen. Mum is just worried you won't fit in at Cackle's Academy. It's an all girls school. What if you get bullied because they think you're different?"  
>"I won't get bullied! They wouldn't know! I look like a girl don't I?"<br>"Edward, you do. But wouldn't they ask questions? Your name is Edward, that's an odd name for a girl isn't it? Their uniforms, you'll have to wear a dress at Cackle's, there are no other options. And what if you start hitting puberty? A girl named Edward with a deep voice and a beard, wouldn't that be weird?"  
>On the outside Edward seemed to understand his father, but on the inside he felt like he was about to explode out of anger. His father promised him he could!<br>"But you said I could go..." He said.  
>"Yes Eddie, I know. But I talked to your mother and... Sorry Edward, but you're a boy. There's nothing you can do about that. I'm sorry." He gave Edward a kiss on his forehead and left the room.<p>

"Edward, dinner's ready!"  
>Edward whiped the tears off his face.<br>"I...I'm not hungry!" He shouted back.  
>He was incredibly hungry but he just didn't want to see his parents. How could they ever be so mean to him? He sighed. There was nothing he could do about it. If he just went to sleep the day would be over soon and he could forget about today in his dreams.<p>

He started undressing himself, whilst thinking his parents probably already bought his Camelot uniform. He went to his parents' bedroom to get his pyjamas, but stopped in front of the mirror. He hated his body! Normally he looked girlier than his two younger sisters but in nothing but his underwear he felt as if he looked more masculine than a bodybuilder. He didn't have the nerve to take off his underwear, he just couldn't look at it. The shape of his body alone was enough to depress him. Edward sighed and whispered: "I wish I was a girl."

"Edward? My goodness Edward, it's half past seven, are you already sleeping?"  
>Edward opened his eyes.<br>"Mum, leave me alone!"  
>"Edward, I want to talk to you."<br>Edward hid under his blanket. He didn't want to his mother to tell him he couldn't be a witch, not again. He understood.  
>"It's about Cackle's Academy."<br>"I know!"  
>Of course, it was always about Cackle's. About how important it is to keep up the family reputation.<br>"No, you don't understand. Your father and I... Well, we don't want to send you to Camelot College if you don't want to. We know how sad you are and how desperately you want to become a witch, but we don't think you can go to Cackle's. I only want to best for you darling, you know that. And if you could go to Cackle's that would be great for you but... It's an all girls school. I don't think Miss Cackle allows boys at all."  
>"Mum, I know that!"<br>"No Eddie, you don't. We sent her a letter. We're trying to convince her to make an exception this one time. You're not just a boy, you see. You would make a great witch. That's all I wanted to say dear, we're trying."  
>Edward didn't believe her. Maybe she only came to comfort him.<br>"Really mum? Did you really send her a letter about me?"  
>"Yes dear, I did."<br>Edward put his head on his mum's lap and she stroked his hair.  
>"I love you Edward."<br>Edward smiled.  
>"I love you too."<p> 


	2. The letter from Cackle's Academy

"Edward, Edward, wake up."  
>Edward opened his eyes and took a look at his clock. Oh wow, was it already 10 am? It felt like he just went to bed.<br>"Yes?"  
>His mum walked into his room.<br>"Miss Cackle answered our letter!"  
>Edward smiled.<br>"And? Can I go?"  
>"Well, she didn't really say yes or no. Do you want to read it?"<br>Edward nodded and his mother gave him the envelope. He took the letter out and read it:

_Dear Mr and Mrs Hallow,_

_Thank you for choosing Cackle's Academy. The school year has not started yet and there is still room for one more student. But Cackle's Academy is an all girls school and we've never let a boy enroll. However, we're pleased to inform you that we'd like to have an interview with your son. Keep in mind, that doesn't mean he's already accepted. If he's a motivated student and we're sure he would fit into our school we are willing to make an exception this one time._

_I'm looking forward to hearing from you._

_Kind regards,_

_Miss Amelia Cackle_

_Cackle's Academy's Headmistress_

"Oh mum, this is great news! Did you read the letter?"  
>Edward couldn't believe they even considered it, he actually thought he didn't stand a chance at all.<br>"Yes I did! So Eddie, are I've already written our reply. Do you agree with it? Are you looking forward to the interview?"  
>"Oh yes mum I am! I'm so happy!"<br>His mother smiled at him and hugged him.  
>"Well, then I'll immediately send it back to her, since we're available this week, aren't we?"<br>Edward nodded, jumped up and down, clapping his hands because of the excitement and hugged his mother once again. He knew it was best if he didn't expect too much of it, maybe they wouldn't even accept him and he didn't want to disappoint himself. But he couldn't help it, he felt great!

He ran down the stairs to the living room and when he saw his father he jumped into his arms.  
>"Dad! Dad! Can you believe it? They invited me for an interview!"<br>Edward's father laughed and kissed his son on his cheek.  
>"Yes, I know! But you shouldn't be so excited about it, it's only an interview. Maybe they just want to make sure for themselves why they don't allow boys in their school." Edward sighed. He knew he could expect this. It was true though. It would be a little different, only one boy in the entire school.<br>"But dad... What if I want to go there as a girl? Would that be okay?"  
>"Eddie, we talked about this a few days ago. They won't fall for that one. You are not a girl. You definitely look and behave like one, but you're not. Most of the girls your age are already hitting puberty, they're not like you. You're still my little boy."<br>"But I don't care! Isn't there a magic spell to stop puberty or anything?"  
>"Well... I don't know dear, but I shouldn't do that if I were you. There's no need to change yourself just to fit in at Cackle's."<br>Edward sat down next to his father. If only he understood... He didn't know how hard it was, feeling like a girl when you're a boy. Why didn't anyone understand it?

It seemed like years went by, waiting for Miss Cackle's reply. However, when her letter got in the mail only two days had passed. When Edward saw the envelope with the school emblem in the right corner he ran to the living room.  
>"Mummy, it's here!"<br>His mother came to the living room and opened the envelope. The second she took the letter out Edward couldn't help himself.  
>"Mum, mum, may I see please?"<br>"Please Edward, give me one moment."  
>He tried to read along but she held the paper up high so he didn't really see that much.<br>"Mum, what does it say?"  
>His mother sighed and shook her head.<br>"You are unbelievable Eddie."  
>"Sorry... But when's my interview."<br>"Tomorrow, three 'o clock. Miss Cackle will come to our house so you better clean your room!"  
>Edward smiled.<br>"Of course, I'm going there right now!"

Edward ran up to his room and sat down on his bed. Tomorrow. He didn't expect tomorrow. How could he possibly prepare himself for tomorrow in one day? Well, he wanted to try his very best. Luckily he didn't really have to clean his room, it has never been messy. And he didn't have to pick one of his sister's dresses, his clothes were a lot girlier anyway. And he didn't have to do any research on witchcraft, he knew everything about it. Then what did he have to do? Nothing? It couldn't be that simple.


	3. Ethel

That day went by very quickly. Edward was so excited! Maybe a little too excited. He couldn't even sleep. Around three in the morning he went downstairs, to his mother's secret library in the cellar. She had an awful big collection of books about witchcraft. He knew he wasn't allowed to read them, some of them being very dangerous books, but they were very interesting and he really enjoyed reading them. He's spent many nights in the cellar, looking for spell books containing spells that would change his appearance, but unfortunately they didn't seem to exist. Maybe he could try a spell or potion to make himself more confident about himself? He was very insecure and of course that didn't come in handy. He took his mum's potion's encyclopedia and tried looking up confidence. No results. Self confidence? No results either. Self esteem? A self esteem potion, would that make a difference? Yeah, probably. It was worth trying, wasn't it? He took the book to the potion lab underneath the kitchen and put one of the cauldrons on. He read the recipe:  
><em>1. Put on the cauldron<br>2. Add 50 ml water to the cauldron  
>3. Cut up three snotgoggles and add them to the cauldron<br>4. Mix three dried oak leaves with two tablespoons of strawberry juice  
>5. Add the mixture to the potion and stir<br>6. Let it stew for thirty minutes  
>7. Let the potion cool down before drinking<em>  
>Well, it didn't sound that difficult. He was used to making more difficult potions and they always worked. After adding all the ingredients he had to let it stew for half an hour so he thought he could better bring back the book to the library so he could take the potion to his room when it was cooled down. But wait… Did he really add two tablespoons of strawberry juice? Didn't he just add one? He went back to the laboratory and added a little more strawberry juice. This would probably do.<p>

"Good morning Edward." He heard his mother say.  
>"Oh… Good morning mum."<br>He had an awful headache. Could that be a side effect from the potion?  
>"How are you doing today? Are you tired?"<br>"Yes… Very tired. Why?"  
>"Well, I've just let you sleep, but it's already 1 pm. And I thought you went to bed so early last night."<br>"I did! I'm just tired mum. But please, give me a moment now. I want to get dressed and prepare myself for the interview."  
>"Oh okay sweetie, see you downstairs."<br>His mum left the room and Edward opened his closet. He had so many clothes but he didn't know what to wear. Maybe just a simple blouse and a skirt? Miss Cackle was only a teacher, she probably didn't know anything about fashion anyway. He put on his clothes and went to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and brushed his hair. He took the black ribbon he usually used to tie his hair and combed it all together to make a tight ponytail.  
>It didn't take long before Miss Cackle arrived. She practically arrived right after Edward came downstairs and ate breakfast (or lunch, since it was already around 2 pm). When Edward saw her walking to their house he already rushed to the door to open up.<br>"Hello there. I am Miss Amelia Cackle. You must be Sybil." Miss Cackle said.  
>Edward smiled.<br>"No Miss, I am Edward. Welcome to our house. Please come in."  
>Miss Cackle walked in and sat down in the living room.<br>"Would you like a cup of tea, Miss?" Edward asked.  
>"No, thank you Edward. I would actually like to speak to you alone. Would you like to show me your room?"<br>"For sure Miss Cackle, please follow me."  
>Miss Cackle walked upstairs with him and they both sat down in his room.<br>"Aren't your parents home?"  
>"Well Miss, my father is at work, as usually. And my mother is making tea. She'll come up in a minute."<br>"Oh, thank you Edward."  
>He smiled. It was a little awkward, but maybe he was the only one who noticed that. Because nothing really happened in the few seconds after she said thank you, she started talking again.<br>"So Edward, you would like to study at Cackle's Academy."  
>"Oh yes Miss, it would be a dream come true."<br>"I see… And why is it you want to become a witch, and not a wizard?"  
>"Well Miss Cackle, I know I cannot be a wizard. I use spells, brew potions, fly on a broom and I adore cats. My parents have tried to let me use magic wands but it just doesn't work. Please Miss. I am a witch, I just can't help it."<br>Miss Cackle smiled.  
>"I can see that. But you know Cackle's Academy is an all girl's school, don't you? Aren't you afraid you won't fit in? Don't you think the girls would treat you differently?"<br>Edward sighed.  
>"Well… I don't know. I don't behave different from the other girls. Can't I just come to your school as a girl?"<br>"I don't see why you can't. When your parents sent me the letter I didn't know what to expect. But you're a very sweet and polite young… Well, a very sweet and polite young girl and every young girl who wants to become a witch is welcome at Cackle's. You're from a very distinguished family of witches, so I'm sure you would go great. If you still want to study at our school you're more than welcome."  
>"Oh yes Miss, thank you very much! Thank you for…"<br>"Wait Edward. We're not done yet. I still want to know… You will have to live as a girl. You can't come to Cackle's as a boy, that's against the school rules. I will talk to your parents about this in a minute, but there is one thing only you can decide about. You can't come to Cackle's as Edward. Do you have any idea about a possible new name?"  
>Edward smiled. Of course he knew. He has introduced himself to many strangers with this name.<br>"Yes, Miss. I would like to name myself after my great aunt. Ethel."  
>"Ethel?"<br>"Yes, Ethel it is."


	4. A witch is born

From that moment on Edward was no longer a he. She was no longer a boy. She was Ethel. It only took her minutes to get used to her new self. She already felt so much better! Miss Cackle only asked her if she was about to make the change, only that would be enough to guarantee her a spot at Cackle's Academy. Oh, she was so happy!

Miss Cackle also talked to her mother about the upcoming school year and she was just as enthusiastic as Ethel. She totally accepted the situation. "Actually you've always been a girl to me." She said. Ethel's mother ordered Cackle's school uniform straight away. Luckily she already got a very good broomstick for her birthday, so she would take that one with her to Cackle's. There was only one this Ethel was still concerned about. What would her father say? She knew he wouldn't mind her going to Cackle's but he probably didn't expect she would be living as a girl from that moment on.

When he got home Ethel waited for him in the living room.  
>"Hey Eddie! How did the interview go?" He asked.<br>"Oh, it wasn't really an interview, she just came over to talk about next school year. Yes dad! This Monday I'm flying of to Cackle's Academy!"  
>"Oh, isn't that wonderful Edward?"<br>"Ethel..."  
>"What?"<br>"Dad, my name is Ethel. I'm a girl now."  
>"You're a girl now? No, you're not."<br>"Yes I am! Mum and Miss Cackle both agree."  
>"Well I do not. You are a boy. You were born a boy so you will stay a boy. You can't just become a girl. You have a penis, don't you?"<br>"Well... I do, but..."  
>"But what? That makes you a boy!"<br>"But I don't feel like a boy!"  
>"Then what are you? A faggot or something?"<br>"No, I am a girl!"  
>"No, you're a fucking tranny! Now go to your room, I'm gonna talk about this with your mother."<br>"But dad..."  
>"Your room I said! You fucking faggot!"<p>

Ethel didn't feel like fighting but she didn't feel like going to her room either.  
>"To my room? Why though? You're the one using inappropriate language."<br>"How dare you? You asshole!"  
>Ethel's mum ran in.<br>"You're calling our child an asshole?"  
>"Because he is! Did you just hear what he said to me?"<br>"She!"  
>"No, it's a fucking he. Come here Edward, come here now."<br>Ethel acted as if she didn't hear him.  
>"Edward! Come here!"<br>She still didn't respond. Her name wasn't Edward anymore. Unless he used it by mistake she wouldn't listen.  
>"Okay, if you don't come to me I'll come to you."<br>His father ran up to Ethel, ripped her skirt and underpants off her and put her on the table.  
>"You see! He is a boy!"<br>Ethel screamed and tried to escape. She wanted to put her hands on her penis so her parents wouldn't see it but her dad held her hands and wasn't about to let go.  
>"Mum, help me! Please!"<br>t seemed like her mother wasn't about to help her. Ethel started crying.  
>"Why are you doing this to me? I didn't hurt you or anything!"<br>Finally, her father let go of her hands and he hugged her.  
>"Dad, don't."<br>"Oh I'm so sorry... I'm sorry. I didn't... I don't... It's just... You did hurt me. Not on purpose of course but... I don't want to lose my only son."  
>Ethel looked at her mum.<br>She didn't know what to say.  
>"Dad?"<br>"Yes?"  
>"Please let go of me. I've never been your son."<br>She put her skirt back on and went upstairs. She didn't expect this. Her father had always been so nice and supportive. He loved to go shopping for clothes with her and let her try on all the dresses she saw. Why didn't he want her to become a girl? She would never be a real son anyway. Yes, she understood, he already had two daughters, but what's wrong with that? Wouldn't every man love to share his house with four women? Ethel sat down on the chair in the bathroom and looked to her face in the mirror. She didn't know her eyes were so red. She whiped her tears away and smiled. She'd make a pretty girl. Why would anyone have to know she's a boy? She wouldn't want to have anything like this at Cackle's Academy. She wouldn't tell anyone, not even her best friends. She wasn't even sure anyone would want to be her friend if they knew she was a boy.

Oh, her dad didn't ruin her excitement at all. Only two more days and she'd fly off to Cackle's. Two more days and she'd be a girl, full time!


	5. Doubt

After two more days of preparing herself it was time for Ethel to go to bed for the last time this year in her own room. She didn't mind at all. She spent the last two days packing her bag and fantasizing about life at Cackle's Academy. She secretly went out to buy a bra that afternoon, because that's what girls of her age wear don't they? Luckily her father didn't know. He still couldn't really accept the change.

Ethel's mum came in.  
>"Are you already sleeping?"<br>"No, but I'm going to. Can you turn off the lights please?"  
>"Of course I can. Sweet dreams sweetie."<br>"Good night!"  
>Her mum turned off the lights and closed the door. Ethel closed her eyes. What would tomorrow be like? She'd fly all the way from her house to Cackle's Academy on her broomstick. She knew she could handle that, she loved flying. But she was so nervous about the actual first day of school. Wouldn't the older students make fun of her? Was it really tomorrow? Wouldn't she be the only one showing up? And what if Miss Cackle accidentally called her Edward? Oh no, that would be disastrous. And that's an understatement. What if Miss Cackle really did that? Obviously everyone would laugh at her at first. And maybe they would take her panties off to embarrass her, like her father did two days ago. Maybe they wouldn't even pay attention to her, because they don't want to be friends with a boy. Oh and they would probably call her names. Ethel, the girl with the penis. Oh dear, how awful would that be? Ethel started crying. Actually she didn't want to go to Cackle's at all! She couldn't take the risk.<p>

She went up to her parents room.  
>"Mum, are you still awake?"<br>"Ethel? Is that you."  
>"Yes... Can I talk to you for a second?"<br>"What's it about."  
>"Tomorrow. I... I don't want to go to Cackle's Academy anymore."<br>They both walked downstairs to the living room, turned the lights back on and sat down.  
>"You don't want to go to Cackle's anymore? What's this nonsense?"<br>"Nonsense? Mum, I just came to my senses. I don't belong there. Like dad said, I am a boy. They will probably find out and I don't want to get into trouble. Please mum, I know I can't do anything about the fact I was born a boy. I shouldn't go to Cackle's."  
>"Ethel sweetie, you should! You've been dreaming about going there ever since you were three years old. Don't let anyone change your mind. Be yourself Ethel. Don't be afraid to be yourself."<br>Ethel sighed. She knew her mum was right. She really wanted to go to Cackle's, but she was afraid. She sat down on her mum's lap, like she always used to do when she was still a little boy.  
>"I can't go mum. I can't."<br>Her mum gave her a kiss on her cheek, and she started singing: "Fearless witches never flinching through the dark and dismal night, ghouls and ghosts and nightmare monsters run away in fright."  
>Ethel started singing along.<br>"We are the girls with skills in sorcery, when in flight quite a sight to see. We're young witches and glad to be learning our craft at Cackle's Academy."  
>Ethel started crying. Why was she so insecure? If only she was a little more confident about herself. Wait... Confidence? Didn't she make a self esteem potion a few days ago? She did!<br>"You know what mum, I'm going back to sleep. I'll think it over in my room."  
>"That's okay darling. Good night."<p>

Ethel went up to her room and searched for the bottle she hid somewhere in her room. Why did she forget where it was? Oh yeah, under her bed of course. She took the bottle and took a good look at it. It seemed unopened. But, she did take a sip the night before the interview with Miss Cackle didn't she? Well, apparently she didn't. That explained a lot. She didn't notice any difference during the interview. Except for the headache when she woke up. But apparently that didn't have anything to do with it. She took a big sip from the potion and put it in her bag. She immediately felt stronger, prettier, healthier, funnier, nicer, smarter and much better than she did seconds ago. What was she even thinking? Ethel smiled.  
>"Cackle's Academy, here I come!"<p> 


	6. Up and away!

"Edward... I mean... Ethel! Ethel? Get up!"  
>Ethel opened her eyes and saw her sister Mona sitting on her bed.<br>"What is it Mona?"  
>"Mum wants to know if you're leaving today?"<br>"Yes, of course I am. What time is it?"  
>"9 am."<br>"What?"  
>Ethel jumped out of her bed and ran downstairs.<br>"Mum? Why didn't you wake me up?"  
>"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart, but you went to bed so late last night, I thought some more hours of sleep would help."<br>"Help? What? I'm running late! I got to be there at noon!"  
>"So you're going?"<br>"Yes of course I am, what do you think?"  
>"Well..."<br>Ethel felt like she didn't need to listen to her mother. She went back upstairs and took a shower. A very short shower. She only washed her hair and turned the shower off again. She did her hair and dressed herself. Oh she looked so good in her brand new school uniform. She felt great anyway! She went out of the bathroom and took at look at the clock. 9:30. Time for breakfast.

After two cheese sandwiches, an apple and a cup of tea it was time for Ethel to go.  
>"Mum, it's almost ten." She said.<br>She went to her room for the last time, put on her hat and her cloak, took her bag and her broomstick and went downstairs.  
>"Are you ready Ethel?" Her mother asked.<br>Ethel smiled.  
>"Oh yes!" Her mother smiled back to her and hugged her.<br>"Oh, please be careful my little girl."  
>"Of course mum, I promise."<br>When she let go Ethel saw her mother had watery eyes.  
>"Don't cry mum, I'll be back in a few months."<br>"I know Ethel. I'm just so happy for you."  
>Ethel got another kiss from her mum. Sybil, her sister who was only one year younger went up to Ethel and said: "Well, I guess your video games are mine now."<br>"Well I guess not!" Ethel said, and she hugged her.  
>"Ethel... Please tell me all about Cackle's Academy when you get back, okay?"<br>"Of course."  
>Ethel didn't want to let go. Even though she didn't really get along with her sister, she knew she would miss her very much.<br>"Alright. See you Ethel."  
>"See you Sybil."<br>Ethel took her broomstick and she commanded it to hover.  
>"Well, if Mona and Dad don't want to say goodbye I think it's time for me to..."<br>"Wait! Ethel, don't go! I didn't get a kiss yet!" Mona said.  
>The little girl ran up to Ethel. Ethel put her arms around Mona and gave her a kiss on her cheek.<br>"Now you did. Well, see you in December. Or did you want to come with me?"  
>"Oh yes! Oh really Ethel? Can I?"<br>"No."  
>Ethel laughed, Mona didn't.<br>"Ethel! That's not funny!" Her mum said.  
>"Yes I know, I was only kidding, alright?"<br>Ethel sighed. She wouldn't have any sisters to bully at Cackle's Academy.  
>"Dad's not coming is he?" She said eventually.<br>"I don't know." Her mother said.  
>"Oh... Well, then tell him I'll miss him. Will you?"<br>"Of course I will darling."  
>"Okay, well, I'll be going now then. See you soon guys! I'll miss you!"<br>Ethel sat down on her broom.  
>"Up and away."<br>She went up, higher and higher, to the clouds. After twenty seconds or so she looked down and saw her mother and sisters waving at her. Oh yes, she would miss them, but she was glad she finally went away. She was happy, really really happy, but somewhere deep inside she was extremely sad. Why didn't her father want to say goodbye? She's always been a daddy's girl, or boy, but ever since she told him she wanted to be a girl he didn't want to talk to her anymore. She thought that was very weird. She's always lived like a girl. He allowed her to wear pink dresses and tiaras, he always loved doing her hair, he took her to her ballet classes... He even went to a Spell Girls concert with her. Ethel really didn't understand. But it didn't matter anymore. She wouldn't see him for a few months. She had something else to focus on.

About two hours later Ethel finally saw the castle she heard so much about. There it was, Cackle's Academy! She couldn't believe it.  
>"Down." She said to her broomstick. It immediately listened. She was such a good flyer. She decided to take the quickest way, through the forest. When her broom went down a little more she saw a girl, dressed in Cackle's school uniform. Why would she walk this way through the forest? She was probably lost.<br>"Lost are we?" Ethel said.  
>The girl looked up.<br>"Which way is the quickest?"  
>"Makes no difference. You'll be late anyway. What's your name?" Ethel asked.<br>"Mildred Hubble."  
>"I'm Ethel Hallow. One of the Hallows."<br>That probably sounded a little arrogant, but that didn't matter. At least she probably didn't seem insecure.  
>"Nice broomstick. Could you give me a lift?" Mildred asked.<br>Ethel thought it over. Mildred seemed nice, but she didn't want anything to happen. She once had her sister flying with her on her previous broom but they both fell off. No, it wasn't a good idea.  
>"I'd love to, but doesn't fly as good with two aboard. And one doesn't want to make a bad impression on one's first day. Does one?"<br>"No... Thanks a lot."  
>Mildred seemed a little disappointed.<br>Maybe she should offer her a lift? She didn't have any friends yet. Maybe Mildred could be her first friend here? Maybe if she told her about her experience with broomstisck Mildred would trust her?  
>"I've been flying for ages. It's really easy when you know how. Just order it to hover and..."<br>Mildred walked into a stick and made it hit Ethel. Ethel screamed and fell of her broomstick. What was that Mildred girl thinking? She was only being nice to her!  
>"You did that on purpose!" Ethel said.<br>"No I didn't!" Mildred answered.  
>Ethel knew she did. How rude of her!<br>"I'll remember this, Mildred Hubble. I might have given you a lift but now you have no chance, you'll have to spend all night in the forest. And I hope the wolves get you."  
>"What wolves?"<br>Ethel sat down on her broomstick.  
>"Up and away."<br>She didn't feel like talking to this girl any longer. What if all the girls at Cackle's Academy were like her? Luckily she had some more of the self esteem potion.

After a few more minutes of flying Ethel arrived at Cackle's Academy. The gate was still open. She had to make a choice now. Would she walk in like the other girls or would she fly in like a real witch? She was one of the few with flying experience so if she'd fly in the other girls probably would already think she's cool. But what if she ruined it? She saw the gate closing. Okay, she had no choice. She would have to fly to the courtyard.

"Bryony Besomsworth?"  
>"Present Miss Hardbroom."<br>Oh no, they were already doing the names!  
>"Ruby Cherrytree?"<br>"Present Miss Hardbroom."  
>Why did she feel so insecure all of a sudden? The potion did still work, didn't it?<br>"Harriet Goodcharm?"  
>"Present Miss Hardbroom."<br>Goodcharm? The H came right after the G, didn't it?  
>"Ethel Hallow?<br>Ethel flew over the wall and made a perfect landing, just in front of Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom.  
>"Present Miss Hardbroom."<br>Oh yes, she did it!


	7. Friends

After the ceremony Ethel immediately went to her room. It didn't look as good as she expected, but it was alright. At least she had a bed and a window. Well, it was more like a hole in the wall but it kinda looked like a window. She sat down on her bed and searched for the potion in her bag. She really needed another big sip to make sure she'd survive until bedtime. But where was the potion? When she didn't feel it anywhere her heart stopped. She left it at home! Oh no, this was a total disaster! But a few seconds later she realized she already took it out of her bag. She put her bag on the chair in the corner, took of her hat and cloak and took a sip from the potion. Ah, that felt good. She already felt at home in her new room, maybe it was time to go downstairs to socialize with her new classmates?

Ethel went to the great hall. Most of the first years already sat together and they seemed to have a lot of fun. Of course Ethel wanted to join them, so she walked up to them. But the second she wanted to sit down Mildred looked at her as if she wanted to say "You're not welcome here!", so Ethel walked away again. That Mildred... What a bitch. She didn't know what she really wanted to say but she knew it wouldn't be friendly. It made Ethel really angry. It made things really difficult. Carrying the secret of being the only biological boy in the school was one thing, but not having friends... It was as if that Mildred girl knew. Oh well, it was the first day of school. Maybe it was best if Ethel just went back to her room and read something. When she walked to the staircase that led to her room she saw a girl sitting on one of the steps. She had red hair and wore a purple stash, so this was her first day too. Ethel sat down next to her.  
>"Hi." She said.<br>The girl didn't say anything.  
>"Umm... Hello? I'm talking to you."<br>"What do you want from me?"  
>Oh, so they were all like this?<br>"Well, I just wanted to say hello. What's your name?"  
>"Drusilla..."<br>"I'm Ethel. Ethel Hallow."  
>"Okay."<br>"One of the Hallows."  
>"Good for you."<br>"I know! My whole family went to this school. How about your family? Are you from a witches family?"  
>"Yes."<br>Oh god, at least Drusilla wasn't as mean as Mildred, she was so boring! Maybe if Ethel asked her some more questions she could get her to say more than yes and no.  
>"How come you're not in the great hall with your friends?" Ethel asked her.<br>Drusilla shrugged and said: "I don't know. They're not my friends. I don't have any friends here."  
>"Well, I can be your friend!"<br>Finally, if Drusilla wanted to be her friend that was fine, than she at least had one friend, someone to keep her company. Even though she was the most boring girl she had ever seen in her life.  
>"Really?" Drusilla asked with a smile on her face.<br>"Of course! Come on, let's go to my room and have some fun!"  
>Drusilla followed Ethel to her room and they both sat down on Ethel's bed.<br>"So, Drusilla... Where are you from?"  
>Ethel actually didn't know how to start a conversation with someone who wouldn't talk so maybe it was better to ask her some more questions. Drusilla answered: "Umm... I'm from Cardiff. You?"<br>"I'm from Sutton Coldfield. But you probably have no idea where that is do you?"  
>"Hey, I do! What makes you think I don't know where that is?"<br>"I'm sorry! Most people don't know so usually I just say Birmingham."  
>An awkward silence fell, so Ethel decided to fill it up with another question.<br>"Do you have any hobbies? Like sports or..."  
>"No, not really. You?"<br>"Yes, I like fencing and horse riding, and umm... Tennis. And I play the violin!"  
>"I play the violin too!"<br>"But you don't concider it a hobby?"  
>"No, not really... I hate practicing."<br>Ethel laughed.  
>"Don't we all? Or actually, my sister loves it."<br>"Oh, you have a sister? How old is she?"  
>"I have two sisters, Sybil, who's eleven and Mona, who's six. Do you have brothers or sisters?"<br>"Kind of. I have one half sister. Clarice. I think she's ten or eleven."  
>"You think? How come you don't know? Doesn't she live with you?"<br>"No, my parents are divorced. She's not my mother's child, only my father's. And I live with my mother and her husband."  
>"Oh... I'm sorry."<br>"No, it's okay. I can't imagine my parents being together. They divorced when I was like... A few months old? I don't know."  
>Ethel didn't know what to say. She couldn't even imagine what it must be like, not living with her father.<br>"Do you miss him?"  
>"Who, my dad? Well, not yet. I've only been here for a few hours."<br>Ethel didn't understand.  
>"I thought you said you lived with you mum?"<br>"Yes, I did. But that doesn't mean I never see him."  
>"Oh, I see. Sorry, I thought... Oh well, never mind. I think it's dinner time anyway, I should go to the great hall."<br>"We can go together, if you like?"  
>"Yes, sure!"<p>

After dinner in the great hall it was already time for the first years to go back to their rooms, Miss Hardbroom would check their rooms around 9 and Ethel didn't want to get punished on her first day of school, so it was best for her to call it an early night. She brushed her teeth in the first year's washroom and went to her room to put on her pyjamas. She took off her uniform and took her pyjamas out of her cupboard.  
>"Hi Ethel!"<br>Ethel turned around and screamed.  
>"Get out Drusilla! Get out at once!"<br>"My goodness Ethel, relax, we're both girls. You have nothing to be ashamed of."  
>Of course she had something to be ashamed of. Ethel was very insecure about her masculine body and here she stood, in front of someone she just met, in nothing but her socks and underwear. But she couldn't tell Drusilla, not yet.<br>"Drusilla! Please just wait outside, okay?"  
>"Okay."<br>Drusilla left and closed the door. Phew, that was close! Of course Ethel was happy to have a friend, but being friends didn't mean sharing secrets to her. At least not this secret. Ethel put on her pyjamas and opened the door.  
>"You can come in now."<br>Drusilla walked in.  
>"I'm sorry Ethel, I didn't think you'd mind me seeing you like that."<br>"Well, I do, and that has nothing to do with you. It's just private."  
>"You have nothing to be ashamed of though. I'm sure you're not the only girl with a flat chest here."<br>So Drusilla saw it. That didn't please Ethel at all. But she didn't know what to say. How would a flat chested biological girl react. She had no idea. Drusilla kept on talking: "We're all girls, right? I mean, I already have pubic hair and that used to embarrass me too, but I'm sure most of the girls, especially the older ones, have it too."  
>Ethel still didn't know what to say. She didn't even know there were girls in her year who already hit puberty. Drusilla probably thought Ethel didn't listen, so she asked: "Do you already have pubic hair?"<br>Ethel started giggling.  
>"Ew, no."<br>Couldn't Drusilla stop talking about this awkward subject?  
>"No? I knew I was too early. But I can't help it can I? I've always been early. I'm much taller than most of the girls in our year too." "Yeah, that's true. But Drusilla, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm really tired. I actually wanted to go to sleep."<br>"That's alright. See you tomorrow Ethel!"  
>Drusilla gave Ethel a tight hug and left the room. Drusilla, an odd girl, but at least she was a friend.<p> 


	8. Miss Cackle's surprise

The first few weeks at Cackle's Academy went by as if they were days. Ethel was definitely the very best student in her year and she was the only to pass the Broomstick Aptitute test flawlessly. Of course the other girls passed too, but they made a lot of mistakes and Mildred even fell of her broom. And she forgot to put the garlic on the flagpole. But Mildred could get away with anything. Always. But Ethel didn't care. As long as Mildred stayed away from her nothing would happen. She still had Drusilla, who definitely was her best friend.

"Ethel, Ethel?"  
>"Yes Drusilla, I'm getting ready."<br>"We have assembly."  
>"I know!"<br>"Come on then, we're late."  
>It was a Saturday morning. Ethel wasn't used to getting up early on Saturday. On Saturdays they were allowed to sleep in so who, besides Miss Drill, her PE teacher, would want to get up early? But today they had assembly for some reason. Ethel got out of bed, got dressed and went to the great hall with Drusilla. The great hall was empty, except for some first years.<br>"Are you sure we have assembly?" Ethel asked.  
>"Yes, I'm absolutely sure. Miss Cackle told us twice, didn't she?"<br>A few more girls walked in. See, they did have assembly. Ethel and Drusilla sat down and a few minutes later Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom walked in.  
>"Well first years, now that we finally got all of you together, Miss Hardbroom and I have a very special announcement to make." Miss Cackle said.<br>A special announcement? Probably not so special. Maybe a new teacher? Miss Cackle continued: "Tomorrow, we're going on a school trip! Around one o'clock we'll be flying off to St. Marten's lake for two days of water sports and activities, like sailing, rowing, canooing, waterskiing and a lot more. Any questions?"  
>One girl raised her hand and asked: "Where will we stay?"<br>"The school has rented a fine cottage near the lake. Does that answer your question Maud?"  
>Maud nodded and another girl raised her hand.<br>"When will we be back, headmistress?"  
>"We'll be back this Sunday evening. And all classes on Monday are cancelled because we can imagine you girls are tired after the long late night flight."<br>All the girls seemed happy, but Ethel wasn't happy at all. She was worried. She'd have to sleep with the other girls in the same room. Maybe they'd even have to shower together.  
>Another girl raised her hand and asked: "Can we swim in the lake too, headmistress?"<br>"Of course Gloria, we're not bringing our bathing suits for nothing, are we?"  
>Oh no! They had to wear bathing suits! What a nightmare! Luckily the school bathing suits were quite unisex, but still. What if people saw anything?<br>"No more questions? Good! We'll gather in the courtyard at one o'clock. I suggest you go to your rooms now to back your bags."

Ethel sat on the floor in her room. She was in tears. Of course it was a lovely surprise for the other girls, water sports are super fun, but Ethel felt as if she knew she was going to die. Only worse, you can't feel embarrassed when your dead. She drank the potion but the potion couldn't solve this problem. She already tried on her bathing suit and, much to her horror, she saw a very prominent lump. Ethel wiped away her tears. She had no reason to cry, it wouldn't solve anything either. The only thing she could do... No, Miss Cackle wouldn't allow her. She couldn't stay at school on her own for a whole weekend. But she couldn't wal around in her bathing suite showing all of her classmates her masculinity either. Maybe Miss Cackle would understand? She was the only one who knew about her secret. The first time they met her name was still Edward. She sighed. She had to try. She stood up, left her room and went to Miss Cackle's office. She wanted to knock on the door but noticed soon enough the door was open, and Drusilla was there with Miss Cackle.  
>"Oh please Miss Cackle, I can't! It would be a total disaster! Sorry Miss, but you know what I mean! I can't share a room with eleven others when I'm on my period!"<br>"Hmm... Well, I believe you Drusilla. I'm female too. If it really bothers you that much you can stay here. But do you have a moment? I think Ethel has a question too. Come in Ethel."  
>Ethel walked in. She couldn't tell the actual problem. Not now, with Drusilla in the room.<br>"Miss, can I please stay at school too?" She asked.  
>"You too? What is it Ethel?"<br>Oh no! Did she really have to explain it?  
>"Umm... Miss... I, I am on my period too... So I can't wear a bathing suit and stuff. And besides, I can't well... You know what I mean, don't you? Being... Umm... Female?" Miss Cackle smiled.<br>"So you're on your period too Ethel? First time isn't it?"  
>"Yes! Umm no! Well, I'm not sure. I mean no, it's not the first time."<br>Oh, she should have done some research on this subject. Miss Cackle probably thought she only wanted to stay at school because of Drusilla.  
>"I see. Well Ethel, as you know I totally understand your situation. It's alright if you stay here too. Miss Bat and Miss Drill stay here too to look after the older students. So there's no need to feel lonely. And no need to disobey the rules because Miss Hardbroom and I are away."<br>"But Drusilla and I never do such things, Miss!" Ethel said in her sweetest voice.  
>"I know girls, I know. And on Monday you don't get the day off like your classmates. You take classes with the second years in stead. Are you fine with that?"<br>Of course they weren't! But to please Miss Cackle they both said: "Yes Miss."  
>"Good, now back to your rooms girls. But keep in mind, we do expect you at one o'clock in the courtyard to have us goodbye!"<p> 


	9. Truth or dare

After Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom left with the first years Ethel and Drusilla went to Drusilla's room. Drusilla had a nice room. It was a not as cold as Ethel's room and besides that, Drusilla had filled her cupboard with a lot of fun games.  
>"So Ethel, what game would you like to play first?"<br>Ethel took a few games out of the cupboard. Monopoly? Cluedo? Stratego? Or just a boring game of chess?  
>"How about umm... Monopoly?" Ethel finally said. Drusilla laughed.<br>"Monopoly? For sure? You know I'm gonna beat you, don't you?"  
>"Well see!"<p>

After a game of Monopoly, which was won by Drusilla, a game of Stratego, which was one by Drusilla too, two games of Scrabble, which were both won by Ethel and playing pictionary for a while Ethel decided to take a look at the clock.  
>"Oh no! Drusilla! It's already 8! We missed dinner!"<br>"Did we? Oh no... I'm so hungry."  
>They didn't realize they already spent 7 hours playing games. But it didn't bother Ethel. They had a nice time and she had a lot of sweets in her own room.<br>"Hey Drusilla, want to come over to my room? I have sweets!"  
>"Do you? Sweet!"<br>They both giggled and went to Ethel's room. Ethel took a bag full of sweets out of her bag and put it on her bed. It was as if Drusilla couldn't believe her eyes.  
>"Wow, where did you get that?"<br>"It was sent by my mum."  
>Ethel opened the bag, sat down next to Drusilla and started eating some of the sweets. They were so hungry they already ate half of them when Drusilla asked: "How about a game of truth or dare?"<br>Ethel loved that game when she was younger. She used to play it with Sybil.  
>"Yes!"<br>Drusilla smiled and said: "Okay, can I start? Truth or dare."  
>"Ummm... Truth."<br>"Truth? Okay. Ethel... Have you ever kissed a boy."  
>Ethel giggled.<br>"Drusilla! How could you! Of course not!"  
>Drusilla laughed.<br>"I'm sorry, I didn't have something in mind! But give me a dare."  
>A dare? Hmm... Hard. She took a look at the candy. Oh, that would be a mean one!<br>She took a hand ful of gummy bears and said: "Put all these in your nose until they don't fit anymore."  
>"Oh my... Ethel! No!"<br>"Yes!"  
>"Alright, give me them."<br>The first two were easy. The next two seemed a little harder. But the next two made Drusilla blow them out again.  
>"Thanks Ethel, thank you very much. Now choose what you want."<br>Ethel laughed. Drusilla looked so silly with the gummy bears in her nose.  
>"Hahahaha, that was hilarious! But umm... Dare?"<br>"A dare? Cool! Kiss me on the mouth for ten seconds."  
>"What?"<br>"You heard me, come on."  
>Ethel actually didn't want to do this. She wasn't a lesbian. Girls don't kiss other girls, do they? She liked Drusilla, but she thought this was just gross. Drusilla already had her eyes closed and her lips pursed.<br>"I'm waiting for you." She said.  
>Ethel sighed. She probably didn't have a choice. She put her lips on Drusilla's and counted in her head. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.<br>"Ew, that was gross!"  
>Ethel wiped her lips with her hand. Drusilla smiled.<br>"Gross? I thought it was funny. But alright, truth or dare."  
>"Ew, Drusilla! It wasn't funny! But this was my dare. You choose."<br>"Oh yeah sorry. Dare."  
>"Another dare? Alright."<br>Ethel had to find a way to take revenge.  
>"I want you to... Stand in front of my open window. Naked!"<br>"Naked? Ethel, you're out of your mind, all the girls can see me though your window.  
>"You only have to do it for ten seconds."<br>"Alright, I'll do it..."  
>Drusilla walked up to the window, and undressed herself. Unfortunately she faced the wall so Ethel couldn't see if she already had boobs. She took of a bra so she probably had.<br>Once she stood in front of the window she started counting down, out loud: "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, done!"  
>Ethel laughed.<br>"You're crazy! You did it!"  
>Drusilla put her clothes back on as fast as she could and said: "Yeah, because you wanted me to do it! But it's my turn again. Truth or dare."<br>"Truth."  
>"Well... Have you ever been in love?"<br>"Nope, never. Truth or dare."  
>"Truth too."<br>thel already got bored with the game, it wasn't as fun as it was with Sybil. But she couldn't forget about the kiss. Why did Drusilla want her to kiss her? Maybe she had to ask her.  
>So Ethel asked: "Okay, truth? Do you fancy me?"<br>"What?" Drusilla's face turned red.  
>"I'm sorry, I'm only asking?"<br>"So you think I fancy you? How dare you! Fuck off!"  
>"Wow Drusilla, don't be angry with me, I'm your friend!"<br>"Yes, you're my friend too. What makes you think I fancy you?"  
>"Nothing... No, it's just. I only wanted to know."<br>"Is it because you fancy me too or anything?"  
>"Drusilla, relax."<br>Drusilla stood up and left the room, not without slamming the door. Ethel opened the door again to see if Drusilla was still in the corridor.  
>"Drusilla? I'm so sorry..."<br>But Drusilla seemed to have gone back to her room again. Ethel didn't understand. They had such a lovely day. Why did Drusilla get so angry?


	10. Private emergency

What had to become one of the best week ends at Cackle's Academy turned into the three most awful days at school so far. After the game of truth or dare on Friday Drusilla didn't want to talk to Ethel anymore. They didn't even want to sit together during meals, which saddened Ethel. And as if that wasn't enough, during a shower on Sunday morning Ethel discovered something horrible. Her first pubic hairs. Obviously she was one of the few who didn't have them already, but she knew getting hair was one of the first signs of hitting puberty. Yes, puberty. To the other girls at Cackle's Academy that meant growing up, the changing from a girl into woman, becoming attractive to boys, and attracted to boys. But to Ethel it meant getting a deep voice and a beard. When she found out she went back to bed right after the shower to wait for Miss Cackle. She didn't even want to go to the library to look for a anti-puberty spell. It probably didn't even exist, so why would she get out of her room and take the risk of being seen by the others as a teenage boy. The only one she could talk to was Miss Cackle. Miss Drill and Miss Bat probably didn't know. Or maybe they did, but she had to be one hundred percent sure. So around six 'o clock, in stead of going to the great hall for dinner, she sat in front of her window, waiting for Miss Cackle, Miss Hardbroom and the first years to arrive.

It felt like years went by, but around 10 or 11 Ethel finally saw something in the sky. Witches on brooms? Yes! She couldn't be happier! She ran out of her room, to the courtyard. When she finally was outside she realized she was wearing her pyjamas, and it was pretty cold outside. But she didn't care. If she could talk to Miss Cackle now maybe she could still be saved. She wanted to call them already but what if her voice already changed? So she didn't say a word until they all landed. Mildred obviously didn't really land, she crashed into the wall... But oh well, she wasn't flying anymore.  
>"Ethel? What are you doing outside right now?" Miss Hardbroom shouted when she saw Ethel.<br>Ethel walked up to her and whispered: "I wanted to speak to Miss Cackle. It's an emergency."  
>Phew, she still had her own voice.<br>"An emergency? Well, in case of emergency you don't need to go straight to the headmistress do you?"  
>"But Miss, it's private. Please, Miss Cackle, can we talk. Now?<br>Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom looked at each other as if they were having a telepathic conversation about Ethel.  
>Miss Cackle looked back to Ethel and said: "Can't we wait until tomorrow morning? I don't think it's that urgent."<br>"Yes Miss, it is! It really is!"  
>"Then tell me Ethel, what is it?"<br>Ethel almost started crying but tried to hold back her tears. Why did nobody understand how hard it was? Miss Cackle knew she was a biological boy, why didn't she say anything? Ethel didn't know what to do.  
>"Well... Never mind." She said. And she went back to her room.<p>

Ethel didn't know she could be this angry. She wanted to break everything in her room, she wanted to shout, slam her head against the wall and bite herself, but she didn't. She was to busy getting her stuff so she could leave immediately. She didn't belong here. She didn't have any friends and the teacher didn't take her seriously. Yes, they liked her grades. But nobody knew who she really was. She thought Drusilla did. She thought she had a friend. But Drusilla didn't even want to talk about her anymore because of a stupid question she asked her. Ethel put on her hat and cloak, took her bag, went to the broomshed and took her broom. The courtyard was empty so she could leave. Back to her parents and sisters. Away from this awful school filled with awful children.  
>"Hover." She said to her broomstick and sat down. "Up and away!"<p>

It was really hard, flying in the dark. But she didn't have a choice and she knew where to go. It took her a few hours but when she finally saw her house she felt a smile appearing on her face. Finally home. Finally back with the people she loved most. And her own room, her own bed. Why did she actually leave this place? Why did she always dream about Cackle's Academy?  
>"Down." She landed just in front of the gate. The lights were out. For a second she thought they weren't home but of course they were, it was in the middle of the night and they were asleep. She walked to the front door and tried to open it. It was locked. Maybe the back door? The back door was closed too. She knew she couldn't wake her parents but Ethel wasn't about to spend the night in the garden. Maybe they left a window open? She walked around the house but saw no open windows. She sat down on the grass. She wasn't tired at all but she really was looking forward to diving under her own beloved blanket. She looked up to the sky. Hey, there was a window open on the first floor! She sat down on her broomstick and said.<br>"Up... Up, yes a little more." She jumped off her broom into the window and climbed inside. She was in the first floor corridor, so she had to walk on her toes to make sure she wouldn't wake anyone up. When she got to the end of the corridor she opened the door to her room and walked in. "Huh?" She immediately said. The room was empty. All empty. Even her bed was gone. Did her parents already forget about her? They were probably happy she left so they decided to throw it all away, didn't they? Somehow, Ethel thought she understood. But it did make her sad. She's always lived in this house. This has always been her room. Or actually, Edward's room... But still, she was that very same person. And she never felt at home anywhere as she did there. But alright, if her parents emptied her room as soon as she left she was allowed to wake them up to ask for an explanation. So she walked to her parents room, opened the door and discovered that their room was empty too! What happened? Ethel left the room and tried her sister's rooms. Nothing. She went downstairs. Yes, there still was a couch and a table, but except for that it was empty too. Oh no, she was in the wrong house!

From the inside Ethel could open the front door so she went outside to collect her broomstick and look around. Where could her house be? Was there a house identical to hers? She was in the right street, and this was the right number. Maybe she went back in time? No, stuff like that is only possible on Doctor Who. But still. It was weird. Her parents didn't move or anything. They would have let her know. And no thief in the world could have possibly stolen all of their beds. Ethel sat down on the grass again. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to go back to Cackle's Academy, but she couldn't stay there either. She lay down and closed her eyes. Maybe it was only a bad dream.


	11. Gendyswhattia?

"Morning Eddie."  
>Ethel opened her eyes. Who called her Eddie? Did she really sleep outside tonight? Oh, she forgot. The people here didn't know she was a girl now.<br>"Oh hi, good morning Sir."  
>"Looking for your mum?"<br>"Oh... Yes. Where is she?"  
>"In the hotel down the street."<br>"Oh really? Why?"  
>"Well I don't know, she's your mum isn't she? Now go there, before she leaves again and lets you sleep outside for another night."<br>The man laughed. Ethel didn't. This wasn't funny at all, she has been very confused ever since she discovered the house, her house, was empty. She stood up, took her bag and broom and walked away.  
>"Thank you sir." She shouted, when she was in a safe distance. He was probably not even telling the truth, but Ethel didn't mind. She had to ask her parents what was going on. After a few minutes she arrived at the hotel. It didn't really look like a hotel, more like a bed and breakfast, but it said hotel. Oh well, what difference did it make? Ethel walked in.<br>"Hi there Eddie." Another Eddie... This time it was a woman. Probably the owner's wife.  
>"Oh hello, good morning. I'm looking for my mother, Josephine Hallow. Do you know.."<br>"Yeah I know, room 3."  
>Why did her mother want to stay in a hotel when she lived in the same street? Well, it was time to ask her that too. So Ethel went upstairs to look for room 3. She knocked on room 3's door and her mother opened the door in her pyjamas.<br>"Mummy!" Ethel hugged her mother. Oh, she missed her so much.  
>"Oh mummy I'm so happy to see you!"<br>Her mother hugged her back.  
>"Hey Ethel! I've missed you too! What are you doing here? Don't you have school?" Ethel sighed. "Well... Actually... Mum, we need to talk."<p>

They both sat down on the very cheap couch in the corner of the room and Ethel started talking: "There are a few things. First of all, what happened to our house? I went there last night but there was no one home, there wasn't even furniture or anything! Honestly, what happened?"  
>"Well Ethel, please don't... Don't feel guilty okay? But your dad and I, we'll we've decided we can't move on together."<br>"I'm sorry, what?"  
>"We just can't. He can't accept you are... Well... You are..."<br>"What, he can't accept I'm a girl?"  
>"No, he can't accept you are different."<br>"Different? I am different? How am I different?"  
>"Well, you know what I mean Ethel. But being different is good! Please be yourself, don't change yourself for anyone. Definitely not for dad."<br>This probably wasn't true. They probably had a fight and are now living apart for a few days. They've had this once before but they wouldn't divorce. Not for something tiny like this.  
>"But mum... Where is he? Where are Sybil and Mona? And why did you both leave the house?"<br>"Sybil and Mona are with your father."  
>"But where is he? Where does he live? Does he stay in a hotel too? I want to see him."<br>"No, you don't. And you'll see him again at school or anything. But he lives with... His new girlfriend."  
>"No! No he doesn't! You are his girlfriend! Or his wife, what ever, he loves you!"<br>"Ethel, please stop it. It has only been a few days and I am devastated. I'm sorry sweetie, I don't want to... I don't know where we're going now, I wanted to write you but I don't know what we're going to do. You'll hear from me about this, okay?"  
>Ethel didn't feel like answering. It wasn't really a question, was it. She couldn't believe it. Her father, a new girlfriend? He left because of her? It was so hard to understand she didn't even feel sad. So she thought it was a better idea to talk about her other problem.<br>"But I actually came to you because I have some problems."  
>"What is it dear?"<br>"Well, my body's changing into a man's body. And I'm not a man! I don't know what to do, Miss Cackle doesn't take it seriously but I'm so afraid I can't be a girl anymore! I... I..."  
>Ethel's mother smiled to her in a way only a mother can and said: "You know what sweetie, I'm taking you to the doctor today. You can tell him."<p>

Ethel and her mother had breakfast together before they went to the doctor. It really was a good idea to eat something first, because they had to wait a very long time until he was available. After Ms Jackson, Mr and Mrs Phelps, Mr Dawson, Ms Jones and Mrs Haryadi the doctor finally came to the waiting room and said: "Mrs Hallow?" Ethel and her mother followed the doctor into his office.  
>"Morning Mrs Hallow, good morning Edward!"<br>Ethel looked at him if she'd just been insulted. So her mother said: "She changed it into Ethel."  
>"She... Alright..." He sat down in front of them and asked: "So, what is it?"<br>Ethel first looked at her mother but she didn't seem to want to do it for her.  
>So Ethel started talking: "Well... It is... I feel like a girl. I've always felt like a girl and I go to a girl's school now, and I'm nothing different actually, I'm just like the other girls. But I feel like I'm slowly hitting puberty and I really don't want to! I know I'll have to but... Can't you... Well I know you can't, but is there anything I can do so I don't have to become a man?"<br>Ethel knew it must have sounded very stupid, but the doctor nodded as it was just another normal story.  
>"So, have you always felt like a girl? Never like a boy?"<br>"No, not really. No, I know I was born a boy so I can't change that, but if no one ever told me I wouldn't ever think of me as a boy."  
>The doctor looked at Ethels mother and asked her: "Has she always been like this?"<br>She answered: "Yes always. Of course, she was our only son so it was hard to accept. But she's wanted to wear dresses ever since she was two or three. And she's never behaved like a boy. Before we let her do her thing she disgusted herself. And sometimes I notice she still does. I will never forget that time I caught her in the bathroom, her penis in one hand and nail scissors in the other, plucking up courage to... Well you know what she tried to do."  
>"I see... Well Ethel, all these terms probably seem like abracadabra to you, but I think you have gender dysphoria."<br>What did the doctor say?  
>"Gendysrodia? What?"<br>"No, gender dysphoria. A gender identity disorder. It's not your fault, you were just born with a girl brain and a boy body. Do you feel that way too?"  
>"Yes, absolutely! That's really what I have."<br>"Well Ethel, I need you two to fill this in as good as you can. Because I can't diagnose you with gender dysphoria when you don't. It's just a rule. I have two more appointments but when I'm done I'd like you to come back to my office for some tests, are you alright with that."  
>"Okay, thank you."<br>Ethel and her mother left his office, feeling great! She knew she didn't make it up. She knew she was right! She did have a boy body, but a girl brain!


	12. Examination

After an hour or so the doctor finally came back to the waiting room.

"Ethel, can you and your mother come back in please?"

Ethel and her mother both followed the doctor back into his office and sat down again.

"So Ethel, did you fill the questionnaires in?"

Ethel gave him the questionnaires back.

"I'm sorry Ethel, I know it's boring and the tests won't be fun, but I'm only here to help you, not to bother you. Do you understand?"

Ethel didn't quite understand. He probably prepared a whole test to check if she really had a girl brain. But what if she didn't have a girl brain? Maybe she only wanted to become a girl. So she asked: "How exactly can you help me?"

"Well, today we're gonna do a few tests, and after you've gotten your diagnosis I'll refer you to a psychologist and a endocrinologist at the gender identity clinic. They'll decide if you're ready to take hormone blockers and eventually female hormones."

What did the doctor actually mean?

"I'm sorry, what are hormone blockers?"

"Hormone blockers, also known as puberty blockers, will stop your body from developing like a boy's body in puberty. Which is good, because that way you will never get the typical male characterics. So the physical changes won't take place until you stop taking them. And you're always free to do that. But if you don't change your mind you'll have to take them until you underwent surgery."

"Surgery? What surgery?"

"Sex reassignment surgery of course!"

Huh? What did that mean? Did that mean they could just change her body into the body she's always wanted? How though? No, they probably wouldn't make her a woman.

"And what exactly do they do during that?"

"Well Ethel, you aren't allowed to undergo that kind of surgery until you're 18, so don't get too excited about it, but it will be a very long operation and the surgeons will change your penis into a vagina. From that moment on you can change your birth certificate and you'll officialy be a woman. But this is years ahead of you. You'll first need the diagnosis and the hormone blockers of course."

"And how about boobs and stuff? Will I get them too?"

"Ethel, I don't want you to get excited about things that are far ahead of you."

"Please tell me, I really need to know!"

"Well all that, you'll get from the female hormones. Which you'll get when you are sixteen, in some cases a little younger, but definitely not now. Firstly, we need the diagnosis. So please Ethel, will you follow me?"

Ethel wanted to know everything. What would the female hormones do? Will they put her through an actual girl's puberty? She followed the doctor into another room, probably meant for examination.

"So, today I only need to check if you're already in puberty. I'm not going to ask you more questions about your gender identity because you and your mother filled in the questionnaires and besides that, I've met many transgendered people who were a lot less convincing, so you really have nothing to worry about."

"Trangendered, what does that mean?"

"Oh I'm sorry, people like yourselves are called transgenders."

"So I'm a transgender?"

"Yes you are, now, take your shoes of and step on the scale."

After the doctor did a few not so impressive tests on Ethel she and her mother went downtown for lunch and back to the hotel afterwards. Ethel couldn't stop talking about the hormones and puberty blockers. She was so excited! She had always been nervous about puberty, she thought there was nothing she could do, but she could turn into a woman! A real woman! With a female body! She had never been so excited in her whole life, not even when she heard she could go to Cackle's Academy. Or maybe she only felt like that because she didn't want to go back. She didn't hate the classes at all, she was a straight A student and one of the best young witches in the entire school, but she felt so alone. Her only friend didn't even want to look her in the eye anymore. If Drusilla knew how much she meant to Ethel. Even though only two days passed after the game of truth or dare, Ethel really missed her so much. Everything about her. From her beautiful ginger hair to the sound of her voice. Ethel thought about her all day long, and every time she realized their friendship was over it was as if her heart stopped beating.

Why was it always her? Why couldn't she be like Mildred? Mildred had a bunch of friends, she was beautiful and she always seemed to have fun. And besides, she had a girl body. But at least Ethel didn't have to worry about that anymore, in a few years she'd have that too. She wasn't even thirteen yet, but with every passing second she was closer to undergoing surgery.

"Ethel, do you want to stay here for the night or do you want me to drop you off at Cackle's?" Ethel's mother asked when they got back to their hotel room after eating dinner.

"I don't know... I actually want to stay here forever but I need to go back."

"I see. Well, let's say you can stay here one night, but tomorrow morning you'll go back to school, okay?"

Ethel nodded. She loved sleeping with her mother. She used to love sleeping inbetween her parents in their bed when she was younger, when Mona was born six year ago they didn't have that much time left for her, so she had to sleep in her own bed. And of course that was good too, a 12-year-old still sleeping with her parents would have been odd. And it only made it a lot more special to sleep with her mother one more time.

When they both lay in bed her mum put her arms around Ethel and held her. Ethel felt so good. So loved. She missed that feeling. She closed her eyes and sighed. Life actually wasn't as bad as it seemed.


	13. If only she knew

"Sweetie, wake up, it's half past nine, if you want to eat breakfast with me you have to wake up now."

"Yes mum, I'm awake."

Ethel's body was a little to tired to get up straight away, but when she saw her mother's face she thought it might be the best thing to do. So she got out of bed and dressed herself and followed her mother to the dining room for breakfast.

After eating a few croissonts and a cup of tea Ethel's mum asked: "So, are you looking forward to going back to school?"

"Actually I'm not... Cackle's Academy isn't as nice as it seems."

"It isn't? Well Ethel, I think you still have to get used to it. I can totally see why you don't like it, I didn't like the first weeks of school either. New subjects, new people, being away from home, it's not easy, is it? And in your case, it's obviously hard to get used to living as a girl."

"No, it's not! I am a girl! And please don't talk about this anymore okay, it's something we don't need to talk about, I'm nothing different then Sybil and Mona, only that I'm the eldest."

"Yes, I'm sorry. But I only wanted to... Well, I think it's harder for me than it is for you."

"But why is it hard for you? I didn't change. Only my name has changed."

"I know, but... Oh please don't start this Ethel, I'm having a very hard time. And that's not your fault but I can't stop thinking about what your father said to me before he left and... I don't miss him, not at all but... Oh well, you don't need to know what's happened."

Of course Ethel had to know what happened. It seemed as if he left because of her.

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you when you're older, okay?"

"Please tell me."

"Ethel, no! But umm... Tell me, do you umm... Have a lot of friends at Cackle's?"

"No, I don't."

An awkward silence fell. Ethel knew her mother was only thinking about her father and Ethel herself was thinking about Drusilla. She did have a friend. A lovely friend. But she lost her. Just like what happened between her parents. They don't talk to each other anymore because of something one of them said. After a while Ethel's mum started talking again.

"Well, I think we're finished now aren't we? Go get your stuff, I'll be waiting for you in the car. Don't forget your broomstick!"

After a long drive Ethel and her mother finally arrived at Cackle's Academy.

"We're there Ethel!"

"Yes, I know."

Ethel didn't want to get out of the car, she wanted to stay with her mother forever. She had a better time with her mum the two past days than she had at school since the start of term.

"Come on Ethel, get your things and go inside. Or do you want me to come with you?"

Actually Ethel wanted her to come with her, but her classmates would probably see that and make fun of her for the rest of the year, so she said: "No... I... Well, I'll go inside now okay? Bye mum, I love you!"

Ethel hugged her mother.

"I love you too Ethel, see you soon!"

"See you soon mummy!"

Ethel got out of the car and went inside. It was 2 pm, so she actually had class now, but she didn't feel like going. She'd be late and all the girls would laugh at her, she just knew they would. She decided to go to her room and look for the confidence potion, she needed a big sip. But after looking for it for a few minutes she realised she left it in her mother's hotel room! She couldn't call her mother to tell her, because she'd definitely punish her for reading one of the books and they obviously didn't have potion books like that at Cackle's Academy. Oh no... This was awful. The potion was the only thing that made her feel like she was important. But she actually wasn't. She was no one. She was a freak. A girl with a penis. Why did she go to school if a circus was where she actually belonged? She thought about what the doctor said yesterday, about hormones and surgery, but what did it matter? She wouldn't survive six more years living like this. Why, oh why wasn't she born with the right body?

All of a sudden Ethel heard voices in the corridor. Whe opened her door to see what was going on. Oh yeah, duh, of course. It was 3 o' clock. She saw some of her classmates going to their rooms. No one noticed Ethel was back. They probably didn't even notice she didn't come along with them to the lake. When most of the passing girls went inside their rooms Ethel saw Drusilla walking to her room too. Ethel couldn't control her face muscles, she started smiling immediately, she was so happy to see Drusilla. She looked so good, even better than she did in her memories. She got all warm inside and had a sudden urge to ran up to Drusilla and hug her. But she didn't do that. She waited until Drusilla was close enough to her.

"Hi!" Ethel said.

It was as if Drusilla didn't see her, but Ethel knew she looked at her. Why did she ignore her? She only said hi! Why was she still mad? Ethel waited a few more seconds, but Drusilla went into her room, not even turning around for a smile. Ethel sighed and closed her own door. She had missed Drusilla so much. Even looking at her was enough for Ethel, but she didn't want Drusilla to be mad at her. It was only a question. Ethel knew Drusilla didn't fancy her, obviously not. If she did she wouldn't ignore Ethel for four days. And probably for the rest of her life. Maybe Drusilla found out about her secret and doesn't want to know her because she's a boy? That would be the only logical explanation for her odd behaviour. But whatever the reason was, Ethel wanted to make it up to her. She wanted to be friends again. She wanted to be with her 24/7. So she could hug her and stroke her back, and touch her skin, and run her hands through her hair. Ethel laughed, what on Earth was her mind doing? Her brain was obsessed with Drusilla for no reason. Why would she even think about her? She didn't want to know her, so all the time thinking about her was wasted. But actually she thought about her every second of the day. Oh Drusilla... If only she knew how Ethel felt about her. If only.


	14. Chaos

After a very long night Ethel actually wanted to stay in her room, but she couldn't do that anymore or people would start gossiping about her. They probably already did that but school would only become harder for Ethel if the others started talking rubbish about her. So she got ready on time, took a shower, ate breakfast, even though she wasn't hungry, and went to the classroom. She saw Drusilla sitting next to Ruby, one of Mildred's friends, so Ethel already knew she had to sit alone. She sat down right in front of the teacher's desk and waited for Miss Cackle to come.

"Good morning class." Miss Cackle said when she walked into the classroom.

"Good morning Miss Cackle." The girls replied.

"Ah, good morning Ethel, good to see you're back. So girls, like I promised, today I'll teach you about levitation spells. Levitation spells are very..."

Ethel didn't feel like listening. She already knew everything about levitation spells, and besides that, she was daydreaming again, thinking about Drusilla. She didn't even know what she actually thought about, but Drusilla filled her head up. Everything was Drusilla. It felt so weird. She tried to concentrate, but she really couldn't. She looked at Drusilla, she sat a little further away but that didn't matter to Ethel, at least it was a lot easier to observe her that way. She looked so cute... Ethel wondered what it would be like to sit on her lap and kiss her.

It was as if Ethel woke up all of a sudden. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she stop thinking about Drusilla? Why did she even want to kiss her? She acted as if she was in love with Drusilla or something.

"Ethel?" Miss Cackle said.

"Yes Miss?"

Oh no, Miss Cackle knew she wasn't paying attention. Ethel didn't know what to say, she knew she'd be punished for not paying attention. She used to be the best student of their year, and now, because of her annoying brain she couldn't control her whole reputation was destroyed.

"Can you give me an example of a levitation spell?" Miss Cackle asked.

Phew, there was nothing to worry about.

"Of course Miss." Ethel pointed her hands at the object on Miss Cackle's desk and casted the spell: "Altus, alta, alto, altissima!"

"Excellent Ethel, great job."

The classes after lunch were all cancelled because of the fourth year's project, so the first years had a free afternoon. Most of the girls spent it on the courtyard, but Ethel knew it would be better to stay in her room. Before the weekend she still had Drusilla, but she knew she'd feel really alone between all those girls who were all friends. But she didn't miss all the fun. She watched them from the window in her room. Weirdly enough Drusilla was sitting all by herself, watching the others. How come Drusilla didn't miss Ethel? Didn't she feel lonely. Ethel kept looking at Drusilla. She was totally aware of her obsession but she knew she couldn't do so much about it. She was in love. And it felt awesome! But it confused her too. She was in love with a girl. How was that possible? She was a girl herself. Or wasn't she? She knew it. She only wanted to be one but she was a boy. But she couldn't be a boy! She just couldn't! The only male parts she had were literally her male parts. She felt like screaming. Who was she? And why did she confuse herself all the time? Maybe she wasn't even in love. Oh, of course she was. Maybe the hormone blockers would stop the confusion, and hopefully even the feelings for Drusilla. But she still had to see a psychologist and stuff. Ethel's mind went crazy, it was as if her brain was about to explode. Maybe it was a good idea to take a nap. She'd probably feel better afterward.

Ethel opened her eyes and took a look at her alarm clock. 5 'o clock. Well at least she slept for at least for hours and wasn't late for dinner. She stretched herself out and before stepping out of bed she noticed a weird feeling between her legs. No, that couldn't possibly be true? Did her penis finally disappear? She knew it didn't belong to her, she just knew it! But... How? She never felt anything like that before in her life, and especially not over there. She threw the blankets off her bed to take a look but before she even took her panties off she saw this giant lump, bigger than ever, on the place where her non-existent vagina actually had to be. Oh no! Did she have an erection? No! No, it wasn't true! Ethel didn't know what to do. She didn't even know what it was, but it felt as if it would never leave. She punched it a few times, as hard as she could. Oh it hurt, but it was worth it. The harder she punched it, the more it hurt, but it seemed to make no difference at all. Ethel was so angry, so sad. See, she was a boy. Why? Why was she even born? Or why was he even born, Ethel herself didn't even know what she was. What was she? Who was she? Where did she belong? Did she even belong on this planet? She probably didn't. She was a mistake. A horrible mistake. She could never be a girl, never. She couldn't stop looking at the lump between her legs, the lump that made her feel like the bloke she was actually meant to be. Ethel wanted to scream for help. But no one could help her. Even after the surgery she would still be a guy with boobs and a removed penis. She hated her life. She absolutely hated it. She smashed her blankets on the floor, sat down on her bed and started crying. Why did all this happen to her? Why was she even alive?


	15. The only solution

Ethel really didn't know what to do anymore. She cried and cried for hours. She was so upset it hurt her tummy. What could she do? She couldn't deal with this, absolutely not. Especially not by herself. She wanted to scream out her immense pain, but who would listen to her? Nobody liked her. No one in the entire school cared about her. That thought made her even more desperate But it was her own fault. She ruined it with Drusilla. She did that herself. Why did she ask her that ignorant question? No one fancied Ethel, so Drusilla didn't either. She could have known that. It was so extremely obvious. Who, besides her mother, would ever love her? Who would love a weirdo like herself? Ethel smashed her head onto the floor out of despair. She wanted to be dead. She'd always wanted to be dead, to be born again in the right body, but she was still alive. The thought of carrying on for seventy more years was killing, and sadly enough it only killed her inside. Why didn't she just die in her sleep or get an accident or anything alike? She knew why. If people found her body they'd come to the discovery she wasn't a girl. Because she wasn't. She wanted to be one, she was supposed to be one. But she was so different. Oh… What would it matter actually, if they were to find her body she wouldn't even know, would she? And probably no one would ever notice it, who would miss her? No one. She'd miss Drusilla though. Everything about her. In another life she wouldn't even know who she was. She tried to sigh but she couldn't because of the tears. Drusilla, the only person in the world who had ever been nice to her, even though she didn't know her secret and it was only for a few weeks. She could write something for Drusilla. Drusilla wouldn't care about it but Ethel actually wanted to do it. She took a pen and an blank sheet and started writing:

_Dear Drusilla,_

_Remember when I asked you if you fancied me? I do. And I remember how insulted you felt because of that. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I know you don't fancy me. But I fancy you. It probably bothers you, that's not weird at all, but it bothers me too. Being in love is amazing, but it's too much for me to take at the moment. I really can't take it. But I wrote this for you to thank you for the wonderful times we've had and all the fun we've had. I'm probably already dead when you read this, so please, don't try to help. It's not worth it. I'm fine. Thank you Drusilla, I love you._

_All the best,_

_Ethel_

Ethel read it over and over again. A dozen of tears dropped on the letter but she didn't mind, it was still readable. She hid it under her pillow. If she delivered it to Drusilla now she would probably try to save her life. But Ethel didn't want to be saved. She finally had the nerve to do it. It didn't matter if it hurt or anything, it was the only solution. Death was the only way to solve her problems. And she knew exactly how she was going to do it. Every night she thought it through. She thought she was never going to do it, but tonight she was. She was so lucky the highway was so close to the school! She left her room, went outside and started walking towards the edge of the forest. Weirdly enough she felt very relaxed, it was as if she was just taking a stroll. The walk through the forest made her feel a lot better, but she was not about to change her mind. She knew that what she was about to do was right. She was a mistake. She was the reason she didn't believe there was a god. She knew there was no cruel god who would even try to put her mind in a boy's body.

Standing on the side of the runway Ethel started hesitating. She did want to make an end to it, definitely. But was throwing herself in front of a car the right way to do it? Did she really want to confront an innocent driver with her problems? She sat down and watched the cars passing by. What would she do, if she was just driving her car and all of a sudden some child just appeared in front of her? If the child died Ethel knew she could never forgive herself. But, what was worse? Someone feeling guilty for killing a child who didn't want to live anyway or having the wrong body? That was an easy one. When Ethel saw lights approaching she took a running start and leapt in front of the lorry. And after feeling a short but strong pressure on the right side of her body everything went black.


	16. Visitors

Ethel opened her eyes. Where was she? Was she dead? Did she just wake up from an awful nightmare? It seemed like she was in some kind of hospital, but why?

"Oh Ethel, you're awake!" Ethel's mother said, before stroking Ethel's hair.

"Mum… What happened?" Ethel asked, but her mother didn't give her an answer. Ethel saw tears in her mother's eyes. Did she cry?

"Mum, are you crying?"

"Oh sweetie, I've been so worried!"

"But… I don't understand, what's wrong?"

Just when her mother was about to tell her a doctor walked in.

"Ah, you're awake, good girl! She's doing great. I only need to check her temperature now and if she's okay I'll be back in an hour."

What was wrong with her? She didn't have a fever.

"An hour is probably alright, although her father might still be there in an hour." Ethel's mother said.

The doctor put a thermometer under Ethel's arm and checked it a few seconds later.

"You're alright Ethel, you have nothing to worry about."

Ethel smiled to the doctor when he left, but she still didn't have a clue what was going on.

"Mum, why's dad coming?" She asked.

"Because he wants to see you. And because he loves you and he's worried about you."

"But I'm fine! The doctor even said that I'm alright!"

"Yes, you are now. But you've been in a coma for days. You've been held in a coma because the pain would have been unbearable for you."

"I'm not in pain."

"That only means the painkillers are working. The doctor told me it isn't weird if you suffer from memory loss now, but don't tell me you don't know what happened. Drusilla gave me your letter when she was here yesterday."

"Drusilla?"

"Yes, Drusilla, your friend."

"Mum, I know who Drusilla is, I'm not stupid!"

"Well, I'm sorry… But Ethel, why? You could have told us. We could have helped. Why didn't you just tell me about your feelings?"

All of a sudden Ethel remembered everything. She wrote a suicide note. She tried to kill herself. Oh no… What did she do to herself? Ethel tried to keep looking at her mother but she couldn't keep her poker face. She started sobbing. Her mother gave her a kiss on her forehead and whispered: "It's alright Ethel, I'm with you. We can talk about it if you want."

"No, it's not… It's not Drusilla. I mean, I like her but that wasn't my reason. I just can't carry on like this. I wish I could, but I can't. And you can't do anything about it."

"What is it sweetie, please tell me."

"It's not that easy… I'm too confused, mummy. I am sad because nobody likes me at school. And I am happy that you let me live as a girl, but I'm so confused about my gender. I mean, I didn't want to tell you but you've read it in the note, I'm... Well you know, I'm in love with Drusilla... So that means I don't really have a girl brain. If I did I would fall in love with a girl. So what if the hormones and stuff don't really make me happy because I'm meant to be a girl. Maybe I'm only a girly boy. I don't get it anymore."

"Oh Ethel, don't be silly. I know you're not just a girly boy. You are a girl. A very pretty girl. Of course, if you think this is not the right thing to do, you can always cut your hair and tell everyone you want to be called Edward again. But I know that's not what you want."

"No, it's not, but... Oh come on, I said I'm confused... I mean, I don't know! And I'm so embarrassed!"

"There's no need to be emb..."

"YES THERE IS!"

Ethel hid under her blanket. She didn't want to see her mother anymore. She knew she tried to comfort her, but what difference did it make? She was still in love. She felt it in every muscle in her entire body.

"Ethel, please, let me talk to you..." Ethel heard her mother saying. But Ethel was too angry to show herself. She wasn't angry at her mother, not at all. She was angry at life. Angry at how things went. Angry she was in love. She didn't ask for it.

"Ethel?"

"Please, leave me alone."

"Ethel, please, your father can be here any minute."

"I don't care, I don't want to see him anyway!"

"He came to see you every day, he was so sad and afraid he'd lose you. He loves you so much, Ethel."

"Well I don't love him anymore."

Ethel wasn't about to show herself again. She was safe under her blanket. No one could see her, and no one, except for her mother, would probably try to talk to her. She took her pillow and put it over her head to show her mother she wasn't listening, but when her mother said: "Ethel, he's here." She removed the pillow and looked if he was really there. He was. Ethel's mother left the room and before he sat down on the chair next to Ethel's bed he put his arms around her and hugged her.

"Leave me alone." Ethel said.

Her father let go of her and sat down.

"I'm so sorry..." He said. "I'm so glad you're fine! You won't belive how frightened I was."

Ethel didn't want to look him in the eyes. He ruined everything. He didn't accept her as a girl and for that reason he destroyed their family. She couldn't forgive him. Her father probably didn't notice, so he continued: "You know... I came to visit you everyday."

"Oh shut up, I said, leave me alone!" Ethel said. She really didn't want to know what he wanted to say. He didn't want to listen to her, so why would she listen to him?

"Eddie, I..."

"What did you call me?"

"I called you Eddie, anything wrong with that?"

Ethel couldn't believe it. He knew she wanted to be called Ethel. He knew it, he didn't make a mistake. How could he be so mean?

"Why are you doing this to me? I said, leave me alone. And by the way, it's Ethel." She said, still looking away from him.

"It's not Ethel, I didn't call you Ethel. Your mother and I called you Edward. Edward Alexander Hallow."

"Well mum calls me Ethel."

"That's only because your mother didn't want to have a son!"

"Isn't that alright, she doesn't have a son." Ethel shouted. She wanted to jump out of bed and attack her father, she was so angry. But she couldn't, she was too tired to get out of bed.

"She does have a son. But her son denies what he is doesn't he Eddie? Oh come on, I love you the way you are, there's no need to change yourself, you're perfect."

"I know! Besides that hideous thing between my legs I am indeed!"

A few seconds of silence fell. For those few seconds it was as if Ethel finally convinced her father to accept her. Unfortunately that wasn't true. He stood up and said: "This is all your mother's fault. I knew it. The ballet classes, the long hair... Why did she even allow you... She wanted a gay boy, that filthy..."

"Hey, don't talk about my mother like that!"

"I can talk about her how I want to talk about her! Look what she's done to you. She's made you a freak."

It was as if Ethel's heart stopped beating, as if the world stopped turning, as if she couldn't use her muscles anymore. She couldn't believe what he just said. Her own father called her a freak. She angrily threw a pillow at her father's face and burst into tears. He called her a freak.

"Eddie... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's ETHEL! Get out of my room!" She shouted. The tears made it a lot more difficult to shout the right words but she did it and it worked. Her father left the room and left Ethel alone. She couldn't stop crying. Words don't hurt, they say. Ethel had never been so offended. Why did she survive that suicide attempt? Why?


	17. Drusilla's visit

Ethel couldn't stop crying until late at night, when she, ironically enough, cried herself to sleep. Of course that was because she was so angry at her father, but in a way she felt as if he just confronted her with the horrible truth.

The next day she woke up with an awful feeling. She wasn't that sad or angry about it anymore, but she was disappointed. Not in her father, but in herself. She had to get out of the hospital to go back to school, just to have something else on her mind. But then she'd have Drusilla. That wonderful girl Ethel couldn't stop thinking about either. Why couldn't she just have one easy day? Just one.

"Mum..." Ethel whispered. "When can we go home again?"

Ethel's mother took Ethel's hand and sighed.

"I don't know. But they want you to keep you here a little longer for some testst so you can start taking hormone blockers as soon as possible."

"But I don't want to take them anymore."

"Why not? If we don't hurry up you'll change into a boy. Do you realise that?"

Ethel, who seemed to be very annyoyed answered: "Newsflash! I already am a boy!"

"What?" Her mother didn't understand, being the girl was the one and only thing she wanted for so many years, practically ever since she was born.

"Yes, you know! I told you, I'm in love with a girl. A G-I-R-L. Then what does that make me?"

"A lesbian?"

"What?"

"I mean... Being a girl doesn't mean you have to be attracted to boys. I know some women who were born female and like other women."

Ethel was very confused. Maybe her mother was right, but she didn't want to be different anymore. She didn't want to be a lesbian. She wanted to be a normal girl, like all the others.

She said: "But I'm not! I don't want to be attracted to girls! I like boys... I think... But... Drusilla has taken over my mind... It's more like... An obsession. But I'm not in love, I swear!"

"Wait a second Ethel," her mother said. "Only a minute ago you said you were."

"I know! Please, don't consfuse me! My life is hard enough without people telling me who or what I'm supposed to be! It's only been like a day, mum. And after that horrible day I tried to kill myself! Don't you understand?"

Ethel's mum put her arm around Ethel and gave her a kiss.

"No sweetie, I don't understand. But I feel so sorry for you, and I want to be there for you... I've been so scared..."

"Scared? So? If I died that was what I wanted to happen! I am a mistake! Yes, go on with your stupid hormone blockers but will I ever be a real girl? I can't go on like this sfor six more years. Really, I can't! Every day I wake up sad because that thing is still not gone and every night I go to bed sad too because my disability, yes, it's a disability, caused so many problems! Tell you what, I can never be with Drusilla! First of all she likes boys, secondly, I have a penis. If she ever touches me down there..."

"Hey Ethel, you're both too young for that anyway. I'm sure the both of you..."

"The both of us? Shut up mum! There will never be the both of us! She hates me!"

"She doesn't... Really Ethel, she does not hate you. You mean a lot to her."

Ethel knew her mother was lying, she knew, why would she know?

"I don't! You're only saying that because you don't want me to be sad!"

"That's not true. She was here yesterday and sat beside your bedside all day. I called her when you woke up to tell her she could come over to the hospital to visit you again. She is very excited about seeing you later today. If you want her to come of course."

"Yes of course!"

Ethel smiled. She was so happy Drusilla wanted to see her.

"Maybe you want to take some rest before she's here?

Ethel nodded. She was exhausted, even though she just woke up and stayed in bed the past few days. She closed her eyes and felt herself falling asleep.

"Wake up sweetie, Drusilla's here!" Ethel's mother said. Ethel didn't understand. Did she sleep for one second? Or did time go by so fast? She opened her eyes and saw her mother and Drusilla standing next to her bed. Ethel was so excited to see Drusilla she immediately felt a lot better.

"Drusilla!" She said with a big smile on her face.

"Hey Ethel, how are you?" Drusilla asked.

Ethel shrugged.

"I suppose I'm alright... You?"

Drusilla shrugged too.

"I don't know. You really scared me..."

"I'm sorry." Ethel sighed. "It wasn't your fault."

Drusilla's eyes got watery, and Ethel couldn't bare looking at her crying.

"Don't cry, please, it really wasn't." Ethel said, trying to comfort Drusilla, but Drusilla sighed and looked away. Ethel felt so guilty. Even though Drusilla didn't like her the way she did herself, she still considered Ethel a friend. Ethel wanted to smash her head against something hard, so hard it would really really hurt. What could she even say to apologise to her?

"Drusilla..." She tried. "I'm so sorry... I didn't want to hurt you or..."

"No, I've hurt you. You remember our game of truth or dare? Yes, you were rude to me so I decided to ignore you, but I didn't know you... Hey Ethel, do you really fancy me?"

Ethel's heart started beating four times as hard. This was her moment. Her chance to tell Drusilla about her feelings.

"Well, no... You see, I like you, as a friend. But... I was just upset and well, you know... Don't think I'm a lesbian, that would be weird."

Oh... There was no way back anymore. Why didn't she just tell Drusilla she was crazy about her?

Drusilla giggled and said: "Yes, that would be gross, wouldn't it?"

Ethel didn't quite know how to respond to that. She felt a little offended. What's so gross about liking girls? But if she said that, Drusilla would think she liked girls too, so she only smiled back at Drusilla.

It was so awkward. The whole situation was extremely awkward... Ethel didn't know where to look.

After a few seconds Drusilla said: "Please get well soon, I miss you a lot at school."

Ethel nodded.

"I will. I promise."


	18. Blocked

The following days were long and boring. Ethel hated staying in bed. She didn't understand why they'd have to keep her there for over a week. She felt alright. Although... Physically she felt alright. Of course she was in pain, but she'd survive, wouldn't she? She didn't even have broken bones or anything. She was okay! But the people at the hospital took this opportunity to do a lot of tests, to see if Ethel was ready for the hormone blockers. So that meant a lot more questionnaires to fill out, doctors taking her blood, scanning her in huge noisy machines, people measuring and weighing her, they even measured her penis... Apparenty that was necessary. It almost took the doctors a week to do all those tests.

That Friday Ethel and her mother had to come to the pediatrist's office for the results or (hopefully no) further examination.

"Ethel, Mrs Hallow, please sit down." The doctor said.

"Call me Miss Coleman please. Mr Hallow and I are to be divorced soon..." Ethel's mother said.

Divorced? Ethel knew they were living seperate from each other but she didn't know they were going to be divorced! The doctor smiled at Ethel and her mother as they said down and said: "How are you Ethel? Are you feeling better?"

Ethel shrugged.

"Well... I have very good news for you. You can start on hormone blockers!"

Ethel wanted to smile at the doctor, to show him she was happy, but in fact she wasn't. Did she really want the blockers? Did she really want to stop herself from being a boy? She was scared and concerned, but somehow she was happy too.

"That's great." She said.

"Yes it is. I heard you're going to a boarding school, but you need one shot a month. So I can either give them to a doctor nearby your school, or, if you have a school nurse or someone alike, I can give them to that person. What do you prefer yourself?"

Ethel shrugged again but her mother answered the question this time.

"Yeah, we already figured that out at her school and you can send them to Miss Imogen Drill at Cackle's Academy."

"Well, that's great! Now then, if you don't have any more questions to ask I'll give Ethel her shot and then we're done for today and you can go home!"

A shot? Now? Ethel didn't know she'd get it already! She wanted more time to think about it. She knew she wanted to become a girl. She knew she was a girl, but did she really need this?

"Now Ethel, all you have to do is take off your trousers so I can give you the shot in that very thick skin your upper leg has." The doctor said.

Ethel had gotten used to undressing herself by now, so it was no problem for her to take her trousers off once more. But only once more, she was glad she could go home after two weeks. Or home? Where was home? Was that school? The hotel where her mother stayed? Her father's house? She didn't know.

The doctor put the needle in Ethel's leg and was done in a few seconds.

"There you go," he said. "Your very first hormone blocker! How did that feel?"

"It hurts!" Ethel said.

She felt she did have a smile on her face. She was happy. All of a sudden she realised this was it. The first step of becoming a real girl. Why was she so nervous? Why was she so scared about not being a boy anymore? She didn't even know how to be a boy. A girl was what she was meant to be. This felt so right.

On the journey back to Cackle's Academy the doubts came back again. As thoughts of possible ways to impress Drusilla entered Ethel's mind again she wanted to bite herself again, and hard. Ethel the lesbian or Ethel the boy, she didn't know what was worse. And she didn't even know if she was really in love. It felt good, she felt happy all the time, thinking of Drusilla made her happy, but going back to the awful reality was what made Ethel so confused. It seemed so logical inside her head, why wasn't it logical in real life?

"So... Are you happy to go back to school?" Ethel's mother asked after a while.

"Hmm... I don't know." Ethel answered. "Of course I am, I hated it there. But I am going back tot the place that brought me there. You see?"

"Are you unhappy at school?"

Ethel didn't know if she was. She liked it. She was at the school she dreamt of all her life, with a great friend she was madly in love with. But she hated it too. Besides Drusilla all her classmates hated her and ignored her, even though they didn't even know about her disability. If only she knew how to recreate that self esteem potion she had at the start of the school year.

"I don't know." She said. "It's not just school. I mean... Everything's changing. I used to be a boy, living in a big house with two sisters and two parents. Now I am a girl, living in a hotel with my mother, having no idea where my father lives... I haven't even seen Sybil and Mona this week! And I miss them... And you at school. And I'm sad because... Oh mum, I wish we could go back to the life we had before this. Besides me being a boy of course."

Ethel kept looking at her mother, waiting for a response, but in stead of saying anything her mother started crying.

"Oh mum, I'm sorry!" Ethel said. "I didn't mean to..."

"No Ethel... It is not your fault... It - it - it's just so unfair!"

"I know... Tell me about it."

Ethel was afraid she'd hurt her mother even more by talking longer, so she didn't. She gave her mother a kiss when they arrived at Cackle's Academy, and like the last time, she went inside by herself.


	19. Back

From the moment Ethel walked through Cackle's Academy's front doors again it was as if everyone knew what has happened. All the girls stopped talking when Ethel passed by and they all looked at her as if she was some sort of freak. A few times, Ethel even heard people saying: "Hey, that's her! The girl who tried to kill herself." That made her wish she had succeeded.  
>She wanted to go to her room as soon as possible but on the way there she walked into Miss Drill.<br>"Hey Ethel! Feeling better?" She asked.  
>Ethel nodded.<br>"Before you go to your room, let's have a little chat in the staff room, okay?"  
>Ethel knew this wasn't a question, so she walked along with Miss Drill to the staff room without answering, and when they arrived there Ethel sat down on the first chair she saw.<br>"So, Ethel… You've had your first hormone blocker this morning haven't you?"  
>"Yes." She said. She hoped it would only be a short conversation, she had just been in hospital for two weeks, why didn't Miss Drill see Ethel needed to go to her room, just to get used to things again.<br>"Well, how do you feel about that?"  
>Apparently it wouldn't be a only a short conversation.<br>"Yes, I feel okay." Ethel said, followed by a deep sigh.  
>"That's great, isn't it? You'll be getting a shot once every four weeks from me. I'll come to your room for that, because I don't think you want anyone to interrupt you, right?"<br>Miss Drill seemed to wait for an answer but Ethel was too lazy to open her mouth again, so Miss Drill continued: "Well… Miss Cackle and I have done some research on gender dysphoria and gender identity clinics here in the United Kingdom, and apparently there are a lot of support groups for children and teens. We thought maybe you would be interested?"  
>Ethel shrugged.<br>"They organise special days for children like yourself. Boys transitioning into girls and girls transitioning into boys. Sometimes they even organise camps so you can have fun and do things you normally wouldn't do because you're ashamed of your body. Swimming for example? How about that? Would you like me to sign you up for that?"  
>"Yeah, sure."<br>"Okay, great, I'll give them a call then. Do you want to talk about it some more or would you like to go back to your friends?" Miss Drill asked.  
>Ethel became too annoyed with this. She didn't even want to talk. And she didn't need a support group. Besides her penis she was nothing different from other girls, but she wanted to get rid of Miss Drill as soon as possible.<br>"Yes, I think I'll go now." Ethel said. She stood up and walked out of the staff room without saying goodbye. She walked to her room without listening to the gossiping girls she saw on the way, opened the door and sat down on her bed. Finally. Peace. She had been looking forward to going to her room all week but now she was there she realised there was just as much to do there as at the hospital. Nothing. She could do some homework of course, but she was already much further than the rest of the girls from her class. Actually she wanted to go to Drusilla's room to play a game with her, but she was too nervous. She was so afraid Drusilla was still mad at her, even though she wasn't at the hospital. But who'd be mean to a sick girl? Drusilla hated her. She knew it. But still, it was worth trying. But before she got up Ethel heard a knock on her door.  
>"Who's there?" She asked.<br>The door opened and Drusilla walked into Ethel's room.  
>"Hey!" She said with a smile on her face.<br>"Drusilla!"  
>Ethel stood up, ran up to Drusilla and hugged her.<br>"I'm so glad you're back, Ethel, I've been so bored!"  
>"Believe me, so have I."<br>"Are you feeling better now? Not tired anymore?"  
>"No, not at all."<br>Ethel was so happy Drusilla was still smiling. She had been so nervous ever since the "do you fancy me" question during their game of truth or dare. Ethel could still slap herself for asking that stupid question, but maybe Drusilla had already forgotten about it. And what did she worry about anyway, Drusilla was happy to see her and Ethel was happy to see Drusilla. And even though Ethel was so in love with her, she was still happy she could be friends with her. That did mean something.  
>"Please Ethel, never scare me like that again. What would I be without you?" Drusilla asked.<br>Ethel smiled.  
>"Did you miss me?" She asked quietly.<br>"Of course! Well, when you weren't here I did some things with Enid, that new girl, but she's not really a friend like you. We did sit together during classes but we didn't have as much fun as we used to have."  
>"I see…"<br>Ethel got extremely jealous at Enid. She wanted Drusilla to be hers. She knew that was rubbish. Why would she get jealous at someone who was only being a friend to Drusilla for the few weeks she wasn't there. Deep inside she knew why. She was so afraid Drusilla would like Enid more than her. So afraid. What if she did? Would Ethel lose her only friend then? Would she feel alone again?  
>"Ethel…" Drusilla asked.<br>"What?"  
>"Do you want me to introduce you to Enid? She's really nice."<br>No, Ethel didn't want to meet her, but to please Drusilla, she said: "Yes! Of course!"  
>Drusilla took Ethel's hand.<br>"Follow me, her room is next to mine!"


	20. Too fast

Ethel followed Drusilla to Enid's room. She didn't care about Enid, not at all, but if she was nice to Drusilla she'd probably be nice to Ethel too. Drusilla knocked on the door and Enid opened it.

"Hey Enid!" Said Drusilla. "This is Ethel."

Enid looked at Ethel was if she was someone she didn't want to see at all.

"So this is Ethel Hallow..."

Ethel smiled and nodded.

"So you're that annoying know-it-all? That spoilt little rich girl?" Said Enid with an evil grin on her face.

Ethel didn't understand. Was this a joke? Or was she really that mean?

"I'm sorry?"

"Your dad was here a few days ago."

"My dad?! Why?"

"Don't act as if you don't know. He's the chair of governors. And now don't think we're going to be friends."

Enid closed the door again and Ethel felt tears coming up. Was this what all the others thought of her? Why were Drusilla and Enid even friends? Ethel turned around and went back to her room. And even though Ethel meant to go there by her own, she didn't mind Drusilla following her that much.

"Ethel, I'm sorry, I didn't know she..."

"You didn't know she was such a bitch? What did I do? Why are you two friends?!"

"We aren't..." Whispered Drusilla while coming closer and closer to Enid. "I can't be friends with someone who's being so mean to you."

Ethel smiled. Although she wasn't too comfortable with Drusilla coming so close. In her dreams she held Drusilla in her arms and kissed her. But this was pretty scary. She didn't know what to do. Ethel wanted to put her arms around Drusilla's neck but she didn't know if that was appropriate. But because she didn't know what else to do with her arms that was what she did. Drusilla's head moved closer to Ethel's, and Ethel, who looked at Drusilla's beautiful soft lips, couldn't repress that feeling anymore. She put her lips on Drusilla's and they kissed. It felt like everything Ethel had ever dreamt of. It felt like Drusilla. That moment everything was Drusilla. All of a sudden Ethel let go of Drusilla.

"Ethel?" Drusilla asked.

"This is weird." Ethel said. "This is really weird."

"Why? Don't you like it?"

"I do... But... Do you? I mean... You didn't like me?"

"I didn't like you?! Of course I did!"

"Then... Why didn't you tell me? Drusilla, I love you. I didn't lie to you in that note. I was just too scared to own up to it. But if you told me..."

"I can tell you now?"

Ethel and Drusilla both started laughing and gave each other a hug.

"I hope Miss Hardbroom doesn't see us." Drusilla whispered after a while.

Ethel shrugged. Of course she didn't want Miss Hardbroom to see this but she was still embarrassed. She really didn't want to like girls. She liked boys. She knew she could be a lesbian, yes. But she wasn't! She didn't want to be one. She was so confused.

"Drusilla... I... This is going too fast." Ethel said, but she already regretted that while saying it.

"But you were the one kissing me!" Drusilla said, looking confused.

"I know, but I don't want to be your girlfriend now or anything... Maybe later, but not now."

"Okay."

Drusilla didn't seem to mind at first, but when she left to her room without saying another word to her, Ethel wanted to slap herself. Why did she say this? She did want Drusilla to be her girlfriend, but like the blockers, she wanted more time to think. People would bully her if she was a lesbian, and apparently all the girls hated her already, so that would not be convenient at all. But she loved Drusilla. Even though she didn't know that much about her, she knew she loved her. And kissing her was amazing! It was truly amazing. Ethel found herself too hard to understand. What did she want? Ethel didn't understand why it was always her. Why was she born a boy in the first place? And why was did she feel like a girl if she liked girls anyway? Why was everything so complicated? It made Ethel feel so sad all the time. It felt as if everything awful that could happen to a person had happened to Ethel. She knew why she wanted to make an end to her life. It seemed so logical. She had nothing worth living for. Not even Drusilla was worth it. Ethel knew the only reason Drusilla pretended to like her was because she felt sorry for her. And Drusilla didn't even know what was wrong with her. There were too many reasons to commit suicide. If only she had the courage to do it again...


	21. The meeting

Weeks, and eventually months went by, but nothing changed. Near the end of the school year Ethel still didn't have any friends, she was still in love with Drusilla but really ashamed about that, her parents were still fighting... Not even the hormone blockers changed anything. It obviously helped her blending in at Cackle's with the girls, but still, all the girls were getting boobs and hips, but Ethel was still only a boy with long hair and a girly voice. That hurt her so much. Why did she have to be 16 years old to start the hormone replacement therapy? One shot every month, what exactly did she do that for? Did she really have to do that until surgery? Is that really worth it? Does being a girl really mean looking like a girl? Ethel went over this questions over and over again in her head on her way to a meeting for transgendered youth Miss Drill signed her up for. Ethel actually didn't want to go, but who else could she ask these questions to? Still, on her way there she wondered why she said yes to Miss Drill's offer. She probably wasn't as girly as the other trans girls out there. She wasn't even on hormones yet. And all the others were probably older independent teens, or children who brought their parents. But it was too late to change her mind. She had to get out of the bus at the next stop.

"Elm Tree Lane."

Ethel sighed. Yes, Elm Tree Lane. She stood up and waited for the doors to open before she got out of the bus. She recognised the building from the picture of the flyer she got at the hospital immediately. This was it. She walked to the window and looked inside. They were all just normal children. Some of them were younger, some of them were older, but a lot were approximately her age. The door was open so Ethel walked inside.

"Ah, you must be Ethel." A woman said.

Or a woman? Ethel didn't know. She looked like a woman because she wore a dress, had long hair and make up, but she had a very deep voice and male face. Ethel wondered if she would end up like this woman later in life. Was she a transgender too?

"Yes." Ethel whispered.

"Right on time, very good. Please come in, we were just about to start our introduction round. Please get inside and make yourself comfortable." The woman, or man, Ethel still didn't know, said.

Ethel walked inside and saw all the children gathered round in a circle. There were a few free chairs so Ethel sat down on the first chair she saw. She didn't know anyone there so what did it matter.

The woman or man followed Ethel, sat down next to her and started talking to the group.

"Well, welcome to this meeting. As most of you know we start today with an introduction round, as always. Just give us a brief intro about you and where you are in the process, okay? I'll start. My name is Jennifer, I'm 42 years old and I'm a male to female transsexual. I transitioned to female when I was 35 years old and had surgery when I was 37."

Jennifer looked at Ethel as if it was Ethel's turn to introduce herself, so she did.

"I'm Ethel, I'm 13 years old and I was born a boy." She said, and looked to the girl sitting next to her before anyone could ask questions. The girl started talking.

"My name is Thomas. I'm 14 years old and like Jennifer and Ethel I'm male to female. I still have to choose another name so next time my name probably isn't Thomas anymore. Umm... I've been on hormone blockers for two years now and I'll probably start on hormones in September."

Most of the kids started clapping. Ethel didn't understand, was that some sort of achievement? The next kid started talking.

"I'm Sam, I'm 17 years old, I'm female to male. Started hormones last year and I'm currently waiting for top surgery."

Ethel was surprised on how masculine Sam looked. She couldn't believe he was actually born a girl. And his voice was so deep. Wow. Ethel hoped the hormones would make her a lot girlier too.

"Hey guys, my name is Alyssa. I'm 19 years old. I was born a boy, so I'm male to female. I'm having surgery in about two weeks... Umm... Yeah... Last time I was here I was still called Alex so..."

Alyssa started giggling and couldn't finish her intro. Ethel felt sad for her that her voice was so deep already. She didn't look anything like a boy, but still, the voice. For the first time in months Ethel actually felt good about the hormone blockers.

After a few more names Jennifer said: "Well guys, what would you like to talk about today, did you already have some subjects in mind?"

Not a single person answered her question so she decided to make them up herself.

"Hormones? Boyfriends or girlfriends? Coming out?"

Sam raised his hand, and as soon as he had gotten permission to talk he said: "I'd really like to know which penis looks more natural. I actually wanted to go for the phalloplasty, but now I've seen what it looks like I'm not so sure if that's the right decision."

Ethel had no idea what he was talking about, but an older boy answered him: "I have a meta now and okay... It's tiny. But it looks very natural. And apparently it's less common for a meta to get infected."

Another boy interrupted him: "Why decide on that now? I mean, okay, it might look more natural than a phallo, but still, who needs a penis that doesn't function. I'm not having one unless they have a better way of creating one in a couple of years."

Apparently most of the boys agreed with him. Ethel didn't understand though. Why didn't they want to have a penis? They wanted to be boys, didn't they? When Ethel stopped thinking about that she realised they were talking about school, a lot more interesting.

"I can see why you say that, but you haven't been through it, okay?" Alyssa interrupted a boy. "I was forced to go to the boys bathroom until I was 16! It was awful! The entire school made fun of me! They all made fun of me and called me names all the time. I just couldn't go there anymore."

"But still, you know that transgendered people can't find a job that easily, let alone a transgendered woman who hasn't even finished her school." Said the boy.

Before Alyssa had the time to reply to him the door opened and another kid walked in.

"Ah, Jason, welcome." Jennifer said. "Please sit down."

Ethel turned around and looked at Jason. But no, that couldn't possibly be... No!


	22. Jason

Ethel couldn't believe her eyes. That couldn't possibly be Drusilla. Drusilla wasn't born a boy! No! Ethel remembered her saying she was on her period! But Ethel said that too when she didn't want to go on the school trip... But Drusilla wore a bra! But Ethel took a bra with her to Cackle's Academy too, just to make sure no other students would notice. But... Oh god. Ethel was so confused. She didn't expect this at all. And what if Drusilla saw her here? Oh no!

"Jason, please introduce yourself, we've already had our introduction round."

Drusilla stood up and said: "I'm Jason. I'm 13 years old. I was born female and I'm slowly transitioning to male. Haven't started on blockers yet because I yet have to come out to my parents."

What? Drusilla wanted to become a boy? Ethel didn't understand why it bothered her so much. She was the same as her, but Ethel felt betrayed. Why didn't Drusilla, or Jason, tell her? Ethel knew she hadn't told her but Drusilla... Jason... had nothing to lose, didn't she, or he?

A whole hour long Ethel avoided looking directly at Drusilla. And she didn't want to say anything at all, in case she would recognise her voice. But after the meeting Ethel felt someone walking up to her the moment they were allowed off their chairs. It was Drusilla, she knew it. She turned around and in looked straight into Drusilla's eyes.

"Oh my god, Ethel! Why didn't you tell me you would be here too?" Drusilla said, with a very cute smile on her face.

Ethel didn't know how to respond. Drusilla didn't mind?

"Oh, I don't know. I just didn't know you were... Well... Trans." Ethel whispered.

"I know. I didn't know about you either but... Oh well... What does it matter. But umm... Do you still want to be called Ethel or...?"

"Yes... You?"

"Well obviously I prefer Jason, but not at school, okay. I don't want our classmates to find out about it."

Their conversation continued as they walked to the bus stop togheter.

"Aren't you going to change your name?" Jason asked.

"I already have... My official name is Edward."

"What?! You're male to female? Oh my god, seriously? Wow, you're so pretty! I haven't seen such a pretty trans girl in my entire life!"

Ethel smiled. She was so happy Jason thought she was pretty, and even happier he didn't mind about her problem.

"You're very pretty too." She said to Jason. "But you don't really look male. These boy clothes look great on you, but I think it's your hair, it's so girly."

"Because it's so long? Yes, I know. I really want to have it cut but my parents still don't know about it. I've wanted to be a boy ever since I was about two or three years old, but I'm too afraid to tell them. I regret it though. If I had told them a few years ago I wouldn't be like this. Me and my massive boobs..."

Ethel looked at Jason's chest.

"It seems like you don't have any boobs." She said.

"That's because I bind them. I wear a binder 24 hours per day to make them seem flat."

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Sometimes... But only a bit."

A very long and awkward silence fell. Ethel was so surpised about this. She really was. She just didn't know what to say. After a while she knew what to say.

"You know what? Let me cut your hair! I promise you I won't mess it up! I'm great at doing hair."

Jason sighed.

"But my parents..."

"What? You haven't told them. And because of that you're not on hormone blockers. That's your own fault. If I cut your hair it might speed things up."

"Well... Alright then..."

"I can do it now?!" Ethel said, with a big smile on her face.

"On the bus?!"

"No, of course not, at school! Are you okay with that?"

Jason shrugged, but Ethel wasn't about to take no for an answer. He already regretted waiting so long, then why wait any longer?

When they got off the bus at Cackle's Academy Ethel started walking to Walker's Gate but soon realised Jason wasn't. She turned around.

"Why aren't you coming?" She asked.

Jason answered: "What do you think? I have to take these clothes off!"

"What? Why? They'll find out soon enough when they see your new hair."

"No! I don't want you to cut it!"

"Why not?"

"Because... I don't know. I'm not sure... I... Ethel, please, I just don't want it."

"But you want to be a boy, don't you?"

"So I have to cut my hair?"

"Of course not, but I thought..."

"Well, you were wrong. I don't want you to cut my hair! I'm not you, okay? I'm glad your parents are fine with it. Good for you! But my parents won't be okay with it. They'll think I'm bonkers!"

"Well, my father..."

"YES ETHEL! YOUR FATHER IS SOOOO AMAZING ISN'T HE? THE CHAIR OF FUCKING GOVERNERS! I KNOW YOU'RE HIS PERFECT LITTLE SPOILT BABY BUT SOME PEOPLE DON'T HAVE PARENTS LIKE YOURS! DEAL WITH IT!" Jason shouted.

Ethel didn't know what to do. She felt like crying, although she didn't feel tears coming up. Her body felt like running up to Jason and punch him in the face. But she didn't do anything. She turned around and followed the path to Cackle's Academy.

"Ethel, wait!" Jason said. But Ethel ignored him. She kept walking as if she had been put on autopilot, but as soon as she entered her room she sat down on her bed and started crying and wondered: Why is the entire world against me?

**A/N:**  
><strong>I dedicate this chapter to my sweet friend (and amazing writer, make sure you check out his stories) Pixel and Stephanie Forever, who's celebrating his birthday today! Happy birthday Pixel, and many more to come!<strong>


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